S.P. Free

Freedom

2011-08-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

My "to do" list was big going into this week. BIG. Change my whole everything BIG, and deal with crap that has been piling up for 20 years BIG. I can hear my friend Lara Casey's voice in my head, "feel the fear and do it anyway."

When I was in NY last week, I knew, in my heart of hearts, some things needed to be taken care of. Done. Crossed off. And so, I took action.

I made that phone call. I confessed. I owned my past, and then let go of my past. I've set the boundary. I haven't bent my own rules. I said "yes" to waking up each day and devoting time to God. I've set boundaries around my media use. I've focused on my work during my work hours. I've said "no" to little lies that the evil one whispers in m ear. I took a risk even though I feared rejection. I only let one person be my LORD, Jesus. Instead of depression, or fear, or worry or anger. Only Jesus has rulership over me. I indulged in what fires me up. I dreamt a new dream. I lived my ideal day. Even though I'm not perfect, I made progress. I invested in my marriage. I invested in my kids. I played. I took care of myself. I exercised. I came from a place of LOVE each day. I studied success. I built my team. I asked for accountability. I said, "I love you because..."

I completed the items. I felt fear. I did it anway. And the freedom in my heart is not able to be put into words. It is indescribable, uncontainable, and who knows where it's going to take me.

And this place that I'm now in... this peace that now fills me, can't be matched by any other feeling or idea. The truth.

Whats holding you back from having everything you deserve? What lie in your head is telling you you don't deserve it?

Name it. Feel it. Look your fear in the eye, and do it anyway.

A Week in the Life of Shelly, Days 3-5

2011-07-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

NEW YORK CITY! I want to raise my hands in the air and scream it at the top of my lungs! I don't even know how to put it into words, but I'm gonna try.

Day 1: Weds, July 27...

Me leaving from MSP! So so full of hopes, dreams and with a heart ready for whatever is ahead!

Something about being up in the air to travel makes me feel like anything's possible!

My first view of the Big Apple... I don't think I've ever been more excited in my life. I'm sure the lady next to me on the plane thought I was nuts. It's okay, Lady, I am NUTS!

My journal entry the night before. Also, just as I got off the plane I checked my voicemail. There was a message there telling me that I didn't get a job I recently interviewed for. And I was so thankful. Because I am not destined for that... I'm destined for more. And the reality of that made my heart crack WIDE open. While I wasn't really expecting to feel that way going into the conference, I'm so so thankful that's how it played out. Whew! I slept so well in NYC, by the way.

Day 2, Thursday, July 28, 2011

I awoke bright and early to take in a few sites before I got ready and went to the conference. Also, Starbucks: Venti Iced Vanilla Soy Latte... Never tasted better at 7 am!!!!

I think I'll live here when I move to NYC. :) LOVE everything about the architecture in this city!

OK, I'm ready to go "make things happen." BTW, my curly hair has never looked better... apparently it loves NY! Who knew! YAY!

On my way to the conference I spent some time on Hannelore's bench in Central Park. It was the perfect place to finish my iced latte and soak up the day! Have I mentioned that I love NYC yet? Oh boy! There's so much in my heart!

After my morning stroll through Central Park, it was a day full of heart changing events. I can't put it into words. If you want to hear, we'll have to have lunch, 25 times in a row. Really though, I've never been more moved, inspired, and down right at peace, than I was at 8:30 pm on Thursday night. Because I KNOW what's ahead... and it's only an amazing life in which I live with the right priorities, in which I parent and am a wife to the best of my ability, in which I live for Christ in everything, and in which I allow, for the very first time every, myself, to DREAM bigger, to GO bigger, and to be the very best me I can be. Life is too short to play small. I am Making Things Happen.

A little stroll under the Brooklyn Bridge on my way back to the hotel. :) LOVE NYC!!!!

A little stop at the Buttercup Bakery for the most wonderful Red Velvet Cupcake I've ever loved. It was perfect, perfect, perfect.

Day 5, July 29, 2011

One of my first action steps for MTH was to get up earlier. So, I awoke at 5:30 NY time, which is 4:30 MN time. I walked to Time Square and sat there enjoying my latte.

Found this lovely "park" in between two buildings... and also sat there for a bit.. .taking in the sites, smells and sounds of the greatest city on earth! LOVED every minute of this... my ipod blaring in my ears "Good Life." by One Republic. Almost the perfect way to end this amazing journey.

Oh, hello Rockefeller Center!

I took a picture of the Chinese family, they took a picture of me. It was perfect.

The most delicious bagel ever, and it only cost me $.75! That's it, we're moving to NYC.

Goodbye Midtown Manhatten, you've changed my life.

So, it's over now, and I'm home. And it is gonna be a good life. I am full of gratitude. If you are a part of my life, you are a part of my life for a reason, and vice versa. Thank you for being my friends. Supporting me along the way. Because, whatever I do now, no matter what it is, it will be fully, a million percent, from my heart, authentic, and true. It will be good. Possibly the best three days of my life... the best insight and revelations ever, the best epiphanies, the best friends I've ever known, the best crying I've ever done, the most honest I've ever been with myself, and the best hair I've ever had. I love you NYC. I love you MN. I love you Brian Brady Owen Wesley and Bella. I love you Pamela. I love you Tammy. I love you Kim. I love you Kelly. I love you besties. I love you family. I love you. I love you MTH NYC 3.0 Alum! Lara Casey, I love you with all I am. You are beautiful, annointed, and have changed my life. Gina Z... I have never seen anyone get more real, and it touched me to my core. Emily, only the world's most loving moms name their firstborn Brady. :) I love you.

Went to bed early, but I will tell you, I think Bella the doggie missed me most. She has not left my side since I walked through the door. And this morning actually jumped into bed and licked me in the face! How's that for waking up happy!

"Go Big." A year from now, I can't wait to see... because I had the courage to start. I had the courage to get real and dream.

A Week in the Life: Day 2

2011-07-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

This is the time we pulled out of the driveway this morning... so much for summer break! It was my day to drive the football players around, so we had to leave bright and early!

While they were at practice, I took the littles to the playland while I talked to my friend Pamoooola on the phone. Talking to Pamoooola is both a. necessary, and b. entertaining.

The "boyz." All sweaty and stinky after practice. :)

This is the one who causes all the football traveling in our family... We are very proud of him, as he's extremely strong and a very hard worker.

Then, I worked on these proofs... all... day.... long...

We ate here for dinner.

Here's my love.

We delivered the proofs.

I got a treat.

We played in the yard.

And now, we're all going to bed.

The end.

PS: Stay tuned as tomorrow - Friday's posts take place in an entireley different state! YAY!!!!

A Week in the Life of Shelly: Day 1!

2011-07-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

And so it begins again! I'm so so so thankful for all that's happened in the last year... Even looking at today's pix made me just beam with joy. So much can change in one year. Here's day one:

Our days always start this way... jammies and tv on the couch.

Confession: I'm really behind on my editing. It's about killin me! I am so thankful to have so much work that I'm behind, but it's like a grey raincloud hanging over my head!!!! My ham, cheese and pickle sandwhich helped though.

These shoes make me want to go to NYC! I think I'll do that on Weds. :)

Me right now.

Kids, in the car. This is a normal event in their lives. Poor guys! Since mom is the driver to all events like soccer and football, these guys live in the car sometimes. A cool drink helped today!

This day included a walk around Lake Harriet. I really like this gate that was by our car when we parked. I love this neighborhood, too. I love Minneapolis, also.

Dinner tonight: Summer salad with strawberries and poppyseed dressing

and our family favorite: homemade pizza! YUMMO!

The littles right before bed.

This wedding: I will be editing it until I die. UGH!

NOTE: Need to hire intern to help with edits.

This is how my days end, watching TV in bed. I also read, pray and journal too. I'm trying to eliminate the TV portion of falling asleep and just do the other stuff. Baby steps!

Until tomorrow friends!

It's TIME: RIGHT NOW

2011-07-15T15:26:00.000-07:00

So, it's been an exciting week:

1. Am officially attending MAKING THINGS HAPPEN in NYC. Two dreams on the bucket list, crossed off in one trip! I can't, can't can't can't even put into words how aflutter my heart is. Seriously, I feel like Jr. High squealing with delight! What's MTH you ask? Check here:http://mth2011.tumblr.com/ and I promise, you will NOT regret it. It's such an honor to go... I'm so blessed!!!!!

2. I stood up for myself. YES. Someone "close" to me, ie in the "family" pushed the wrong button, and after 10+ years of tolerance, I said, "NO, I will no longer allow you to treat me this way." I feel like a million bucks! Good-bye negative people in my life! I will NOT miss you.

3. I am pumped about everything. Even laundry doesn't seem as painful as normal. My spirit is ignited and ready. I am ready.

4. I am working on things: Edits (OH how they've piled up.), sales, marketing, my website needs some love, research, being inspired, and doing the HARD but WORTH IT work. Check here: http://mth2011.tumblr.com/post/6621870949/the-challenge-is-on-its-time-to-get-back-to and I promise, if you DO the challenge, then there's NO stopping you. There's no stopping ME. There's no stopping US!

EXPECT GREAT THINGS WORLD!!!!!!!

I am taking my BIGGEST leap yet, and I'm not looking back. You should, too.

A Week in the Life

2011-07-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Last spring I photographed and journaled a week of my life. I posted it here on this blog and also made a three ring binder of the photos and journaling later as well. I am so thankful I did it. It taught me a couple of things:

1. The everyday moments of life are worth photographing, because they change so quickly.

2. The people in your life matter and are often "gone" before you know it. Remember it. Write it down, take a picture. This is your life.

3. How easy it was to take my point and shoot with me and take random pictures of my everyday... my coffee. My friends. My work. Etc.

I'd like to invite you to join me in this adventure. Ali Edwards is hosting the similar challenge. Please visit here: www.aliedwards.com to get all the details and mark your calendar! JULY 25-31!

Live a life more remembered and cherished. We are worth remembering.

My best,

Shelly

25 Things You Don't Know About Me

2011-02-15T13:13:00.000-08:00

1. I hate waking up. I love sleeping. I never want to go to bed and I never want to wake up after I've gone to bed.

2. My feelings get hurt super easy... even a look without words, and I'm crushed.

3. I'm super passionate, to the point that I often can't sleep and am overwhelmed with so many ideas and possibilities running through my head.

4. I'm rebellious against the PTA. I'm a mom of a 15 year old, 5 year old and 3 year old and so far I've been able to avoid all school meetings and committees and boards.

5. I loved the band "Motley Crue" as a teenager. I may or may not have their greatest hits on my i-pod.

6. I'm married to a pc, but I think I'm a mac. (SSSSHHHHHHH)

7. I wish I had SKIPPED my Sr. Prom. Seriously, a waste of time.

8. I've grown more emotionally, spiritually, and business-wise in the last year than ever before.

9. I don't like politics. Discussing, arguing, dealing with "appearances" of who thinks what and what they say they are when they really aren't.

10. I think wearing my pj's is better than any other clothes. Even when I go shopping, all I really want to buy is warm up suits, sweats, or pajama pants.

11. I love good food.

12. I have a birthmark on my left thigh, and it's the exact same birthmark that my Great Grandma Margaret Wilson had on her leg, too. My oldest son has it as well, but it's on his calf. It's just a little guy, looks like an island.

13. I believe that second chances are often more powerful than first time arounds.

14. My hair, which is out of control curly now, was stick straight as a child.

15. I have a bit of a photographic memory. I can close my eyes and see exactly what things look like. This was helpful in college during tests.

16. I've been to therapy. Quite a bit. It's helped me understand a lot about myself and those around me. It's also helped me to take control of things that were out of control in my mind.

17. I spend a lot of time looking at the artwork of others. (Probably an hour a day)

18. I hate doing dishes and laundry. I avoid them for as long as possible.

19. I believe most people are good. They just don't know it, believe it, or can show it.

20. I have nice handwriting. I can't help it.

21. I have one brother, six years younger. I always wanted a sister, but instead God have me a best friend that lived nearby and we grew up together like sisters.

22. I grew up in poverty, in a small town, on a farm, in a trailer house. This taught me invaluable life lessons.

23. I've never owned a brand new car. I probably never will.

24. I ordered this swimsuit from the J. Crew Catalog in college. It was my first purchase from a catalog with my own credit card.

25. I love gourmet cooking, but actually used to hate cooking altogether! It's weird how things have changed!

Doing Something...

2011-02-01T19:09:00.000-08:00

I'm just overwhelmed.
This. Starting a new life business. Is. Hard.
We don't always know where the cash is going to come from or when it's going to come in. We aren't really sure we can afford to live this life.
Yet, I know, in my heart of hearts, I'm doing the right thing. I'm where I'm supposed to be, loving my kids, picking them up from school, being there for them all the time.
I feel so sad that I missed out on so much of them in the last two years when I was working at a job that kept me away. All. the. time. So, I made a change.
Took a leap.
Made a risk.
Don't know how it's going to turn out.
Don't care.
Just loving these moments. This time. This.

Each day challenges me. I'm not answering to anyone but me. And I tend to let myself off the hook a little too often. It takes a huge and overwhelming amount of self control to make it happen. Every single second. And I don't always feel like "making it happen." Sometimes I'd rather take a nap. Or sit and watch the Food Network in my jammies. Sometimes, I'm just not motivated at all. And then, I obsessively guilt myself over it. And I don't do what I need to do to make it happen. I just don't do anything.

And to follow my own advice, "doing nothing results in nothing." And that's the truth of it.

So, tonight, the kids are in bed, the husband's on a service call... and I'm doing research. And I'm pushing myself to think bigger. And I'm doing the work. What it takes, to make it happen. I'm doing something, which will result in something.

Couple of inspirational places to visit:
http://natalienortonblog.com
http://tarawhitney.com/justbeblogged
http://shellypeters.tumblr.com

I can do this. You can, too.

The finished product...

2010-12-17T05:20:00.000-08:00

Here's my toffee, cooling before I broke it into a bunch of pieces and put it in baggies as gifts for the bus driver, mail deliverer, etc. :)

Surprise! Let's go Shopping!

2010-12-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

Today I'm going to make homemade toffee. Why? Because I can.
Here's the recipe if you want to make it too. I hear it's unbelievable!
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/12/lias-butter-toffee/

Also because I found a $130 gift card to Cooks of Crocus Hill in my bedside table from my birthday two years ago and decided today was the perfect day to spend it.

Merry Christmas to me!
And no, I didn't buy anything for anyone else, even though I was tempted to. Ok, lie, I did... but it was only $6. So, the rest is mine!

Here's what I got:
1. A medium-ish LeCruesset pot. It's carribean blue. Very nice. I'm thinking it will be perfect for my first batch of toffee. And it will work nicely for Julie's hot fudge recipe. Also it will be perfect for when I make custard base for the most amazing chocolate pie you've ever had this Christmas.
2. A candy thermometer. According to the pioneer woman, this is an essential item in making the perfect toffee. I trust her with my life so I bought the middle of the road thermometer. Plus, I've never had one! Whatever, I'm a work in progress. I learn as I go.
3. Decorating tools for cookies. I never have a small enough tip for piping royal icing on... and I'm making another batch of gingerbread men very soon... so I needed it. My other gingerbread men are getting gobbled up very quickly so, I'm going to need more.
4. A silicone mat. This is also what the pioneer woman used in her toffee recipe.
5. A new potato peeler. I could write an entire post about potato peelers and how they don't make 'em like they used to. Every one I've ever had SUCKS. So, another try, another brand, another peeler... I'm certain it will be replaced within six months.

If you'd like to stay posted, I'll put the pictures up of my toffee, too. Just because I love you. All three of you who read this. I love you.

Merry Baking!
Shelly

Interfriention

2010-10-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

I've got friends.

Really, really great friends. I so love them. I am highly social. I can't stop myself from just making more friends.

But...

As time has taught me, and some hurt feelings, not all friendships are the same. And, I've read all the "poems" about real friends, girlfriends, etc. etc. But, seriously, there's only one quote that satisfies my definition of "friend." Only one.

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times."

This is important, because it bites me in the butt a little. I'll explain...

I need friends who understand and love me, right where I'm at. I am sometimes emotional... ok, not sometimes. All the time. I tend to overreact. I don't always say the right thing. I cuss. I like to cuss actually, it makes me feel real. I am sincere. I am dramatic. I laugh. I get louder the more I start talking. I am super sarcastic sometimes. I am compassionate. I want the best for others. I expect others to treat me with respect. I cry. A lot. Often. Almost daily. I will not always remember birthdays and thank you notes... although I usually think about them. I have big dreams, and not big follow through. I'm changing that. I am passionate. SO very passionate. It might make you feel offended. It might inspire you. I can't predict which outcome my passionate-ness will have on you. I won't hold your hand through your emotional breakdowns, but I will sit beside you and listen. I can't emotionally own it for you. I have a hard enough time owning it for me. I need you, my friend, to understand all this, and still choose to love me tomorrow, and the next day and the next day. Because that's what friends do. They love at all times. In all situations.

I was thinking about an old friend tonight who never, ever, ever, calls to say, "How are you doing?" The only time we are in contact is when this friend needs something. Needs a ride to the aiport. Needs me to be there so she can cry on my shoulder. Needs to feel affirmed about her messed up life. No investment in me, only withdrawals from my love tank. Things are gettin a bit overdrawn now. I'm parched and out of energy. I've had a hell of a year. I don't know if I can keep on "givin" to these life-sucking relationships. In fact, I have boundaries with folks who suck the life out of me. It's my survival mechanism.

So, butt biting time. I expect friends to love me at all times, but, in fact, do I love them? At all times? Do I give and expect something in return? What a hypocrite!

Maybe she's really messed up. And I love her. I love her well. But loving also means health, right?
So, for everyone out there... how will I love, at all times, without gettin hurt too? Tough tough line to draw in the sand. Very tough. I'm perplexed about it. And yet, it's a question I've been asking my entire life!

What is this love, that surpasses the pain of the human heart? How do I live it? Why does my attitude always get in the way of it?

I'm such a mess.
Still love me?

Artists UNITE

2010-10-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who is an amazing artist. In every sense of the world, she is a creative soulmate. She and I are like peas and carrots, as Forrest would say.

We've been pushing each other "artistically" lately. Those of you who are logical concrete sequential non artists will not understand the last sentence. In fact, you probably won't get anything I say. It's ok. We're different. I accept your weirdness. Anywho..., on topic, I appreciate having someone who can push me. It's refreshing. It's so awesome! And because of it, the result is immense and overwhelming respect! WHEW! I forgot what it was like to be shocked by the genuine amazingness of someone. Thanks world, I now "don't" give up on you... Because even though most of the time I'm saddened and disappointed in YOU in general, I know that what's in me is stronger than what you throw, no sling, at me on most days.

So, today, I crawl out of my "pit" that I've been camping in for awhile... because I've got art to make, work to do, lives to impact, things to say, stuff to capture.

Expect great things. And even if you don't, I'm going to do them anyway.

Much love,
Shzells

So, I been making some art. I'm going to share it. But not here and not now. Only when I'm ready.

the TRUTH

2010-09-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

I have been through a bunch of hard things lately. I won't tell you how it's been easy, because it hasn't been. My "delayed reactor-ness" is landing about now... and I'm having my emotional breakdowns and fits of rage and crying every other day. As my friend Mary Jane used to say, "the horomonal cocktail is not mixed quite right."

Someone I trusted took advantage of me. After looking back over the situation, i realized that i allowed this behavior to continue in the hopes that it wasn't really happening. But it was. I was right. I now have been looking back over the last two years wondering if ANYTHING I've experienced with this person was true or not.

Also, I've had to deal with a hard diagnosis of someone I love. Again, hopeful that it wasn't true, and then dealing with the reality of the fact that it is true. And now how to proceed and how to go forward.

Here's what I now know because of this CRAP:

1. Even though I can't control what goes on in the lives and bodies of others, I can push, question, and trust my gut in the midst of the trial.

2. I have good intuition and can trust it. (Especially since I believe the Holy Spirit lives in my heart.)

3. I really don't have time to worry about hurting someone else's feelings by asking hard questions. How much heartache would I have saved had I been more aggressive with my hard questions?

4. I really respect others who have the courage to ask hard questions. It causes me to often stop and re-evaluate my own actions and ideas. Therefore, courage evokes change.

5. I've learned that when faced with a fork in the road, you never go wrong by doing the right thing.

6. I now know that even though I don't always know the "ending," it's how I'm dealing with the "right now" that really matters. God is in control. I've decided to let him be.

I Thessalonians 5:17-18 says this, "pray continually. give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

The truth is here. God's will for my life is for me to seek him out always (pray continually) and then to give thanks in all circumstances, no matter how good or bad or hard or challenging. Give thanks.

So, Lord, I'm thanking you tonight. For the beauty of life and the strength you've bestowed upon me to deal with every curveball that get's thrown my way. Thanks for keeping me in your fold, for hiding me in the shadow of your wings. Thanks for being a safe tower, a refuge, a place to be protected from the storm. Thank you Lord. You are in control and I am yours.

Last night as I was falling asleep this old campfire song was in my head, "This song I sing. To the one who has created all that I can see. To the one who has provided to me, everything I need. To my God and to my King, this song I sing."

Even in the midst of all that is unknown right now God, you are everything I need.

country vs. city

2010-07-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

Vacation 2010

2010-07-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

No More

2010-07-01T10:29:00.000-07:00

I deleted the post. Not only because sometimes I'm misunderstood, but also because it basically was a rant.

Aren't we allowed to rant? Anyone else out there get bothered from time to time?

I don't hide how I feel. I don't stuff it. I can't pretend. Just NOT in my DNA. If you can't handle that about me... sorry. Find another blog.

That's who I am. I'm out there. My heart on my sleeve.

This oftentimes makes me a vulnerable person. I get wounded fast and easy. It's not hard for me to feel hurt by something someone says, does or even by a look they might give me. I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt. I feel like I am fairly easy to get along with. But, sometimes, after like 10 years of reoccuring hurt over and over again by the same person even after they've been confronted... well, sometimes, I loose it.

I'm not going to apologize for being honest about how I am feeling. A great friend once told me that you can't help how you feel, you just have to feel it. It is truth. You can control how you act as a result of your feelings. It's hard, but you can do at least that. My feelings, a few days ago, got away from me. Too many of my buttons got pushed one right after the other. I just lost it. But, honestly, that's how I was feeling. And so, fellow blog readers, it landed on you. That is life. And now it's deleted.

The blog is deleted, the feelings are not. I have a migraine. The uncertainty and the negativity of the environment I'm going into... well, it causes me to come unglued a little. However, it is a part of my life... and for better or worse, I have to make the best of it. I have to focus on my truth. I have to take deep breathes and live. I have to enjoy what's in front of me. I have to have a good attitude and try. I have to because the alternative wears me down like a file on raw skin. It sucks the life out of me to dwell on bad.

So, no more. I choose the good. And that is how I'm feeling today.

Zap goes the Holy Spirit

2010-06-13T22:16:00.001-07:00

Today we visited a church.
It knocked our socks off.

Wait wait, before you assume anything, let me just tell you about it.

Not flashy.

Not fake.

Not self-righteous.

The people looked like sinners just the same as us.

Authentic.

Relevent.

Did not sacrifice my feelings in the message, but spoke the truth clearly, without passing judgementalism on the crowd. That takes talent.

Moved me to change something in my life that I've needed to deal with for 10 years.

Caused me to leave feeling more "free" than I've ever felt in years.

Had a very easy to check your kids into Childrens Program, with no fees, and with plenty of room and caring adults for our kids.

Kept our teenager engaged in the service the entire time.

Sang two songs by Dave Crowder. (I was done when I heard the first one.)

Sat by someone a lot older than us on one side and a lot younger than us on the other.

Doesn't waste their money on flashy and over the top facilities. Sure it was nice, but you can tell, they didn't over-do it.

Have expanded by 8,000 in the last five years, and are not backing down.

Have room for photographers in their ministry.

Worth the 30 minute drive there, the 10 minute line getting in, and the 20 minute wait leaving the parking lot.

Gave me a free cup of coffee because I was a first time visitor and it was a delicious Americano. Thank you very much!

Made me both laugh and cry.

Kept my attention during the entire sermon and I even took notes and kept the notes.

Made me want to join a church again.

Made me want to do ministry again.

Made me thankful that we've healed.

All this on the first visit! What will next week bring? WHEW!
check it out: http://www.eaglebrookchurch.com/ And if you want to sit by me next week, feel free.

Crossroads...

2010-05-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

It's a funny thing to be in a place where you're looking at which direction you should take. There are a lot of things involved in changing your life...

Risk: let's face it. No matter what we're facing, we don't have a clue as to how it's all really going to turn out. That's why everything we do is a risk.
Confidence: You either believe you can, that's why you're willing to try, or you don't believe you can. One or the other. I'm in the "I really want to try and am almost certain I can do it" camp. Somewhere floating in a sea of almost confident. However, in my heart, I know there's nothing I can't DO, there's no task so big that I can't have faith and leap into it. It's who I am to the core. The jumping and leaping person.
Practical Matters: How will these decisions affect me personally in all areas of my life. Financially, physically, with my family... etc. etc. How will I pay for this risk in all areas of my life? Will it be worth the investment of time and energy?
Being Bulligerant: I have heard the following phrase over and over again in the last few months... like a re-occuring theme. "Never take 'NO' for an answer!" I believe this has something to do with persistance and continuing to "move forward." I personally, believe, that moving forward is the most important thing. As long as I'm growing in some way, getting better, learning more, becoming stronger and healthier and wiser and more spiritual. As long as there's movement forward, I am satisfied.
Who cares what people think: If there's one thing I've learned fast, it's that everyone has an opinion. And a lot of times, they think they should share it with you. And often, it might not be in agreement with your beliefs or opinions. That's OK. But it's NOT going to define me. I know what I know what I know what I know. In my heart. In the center of all that I am. I will not let a little criticism stop me from trying. I will not let my passion be outflamed by the will of another person. I need to be who I am. I have no other choice. Support it, or get out of the way.
Re-evaluation and Re-evaluation again: This entire process wouldn't be going on if I wasn't taking a good hard look in the mirror and looking at what can inspire me, what can I do differently, what makes me special. What can I give this world to leave it better? Who can I influence positively along the way? What inside me needs to change and how am I going to make that happen? What inside me can I never change and therefore must accept? What is so big that I need to give it to God and let him change? It's the constant process of growth.

I'm about to leap off a cliff and don't know where I'm going to land. Expect great things world, I'm not scared of you. And I have the power inside me to do the impossible. Watch and see.

Country Life

2010-05-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

I was standing all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Don't you worry, sometimes you just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes...
Now I've found you, there's no more emptyness inside
When we're hungry, love will keep alive.

I would die for you, climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

I was standing, all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide.
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive.
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Woke up today with the Eagles rolling around in my head... And started remembering the simple life I had as a child... there were no cell phones, starbucks, heck, even our regular phone had a chord! Our house was heated with a wood stove, and I carried the wood in every night to heat it in the winter. My childhood summers consisted of riding my bike, building forts, and helping my Grandma pull weeds in the garden. Sometimes, if I begged, I got to watch TV... but it was Tom and Jerry and Mash. My mind wasn't corrupted by TV.

As a teenager, I read my entire Bible from cover to cover. Just because there wasn't anything else to do. I read books in an entire sitting, often 2-3 a week. I devoured them, and wondered how anyone could live such luxurious lives?

Eventually I started acting like the city person all locked up inside of me... dating boys, being social, going all the time, as my mom used to say. I was in a school activity from the crack of dawn until late at night. I moved away as soon as possible. I married a boy from the city. I live in the city. I am the city. I get goosebumps in a really cool urban setting that would be a good backdrop for some pictures... it's quite strange. We're attracted to what we don't know, right?

However, every now and then... I miss that life. I dream of buying a huge old red barn and, of all things, making into an art studio. In fact, I happen to know, in my heart, that I'll come full circle and move to the country some day. It might be after my husband dies, because getting him to leave the city might be impossible... but mark my words... there is a barn in my future.

Until then, I will show you what I've been photographing lately... It's the country vs. the city. Right now the city is winning for sure.

http://picasaweb.google.com/shellypeters/CountryVsCity#

So, friends, what is inside of you? I've got a little country... what do you have?

Journal for a week, continued.

2010-05-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

GREAT news today, I got SNAIL MAIL, and in the package was this LOVELY journal from my bestie Pamela... it's a share book that we're passing back and forth and can I just say, I LOVE IT?! What an amazing, thoughtful, and hello, right up my alley, kind of book! I can't WAIT to see what we fill it with!!!!! I don't think I'll show you though, because it's OURS and no one else's...

More journaling, on the way friends!

Journal for a WEEK (or more if necessary)

2010-05-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

I need to write... I think because I can say it better when I write it down... it's the "pause and think before you put it out there" that helps me a great deal... instead of just blurting whatever's on my mind or thinking out loud. When I journal, the fuzzy stuff gets more clear. "Why not blog instead" you ask? Well, there's something magical that happens between me, the pen, my brain and the notebook. Don't know what it is, but it's just old school better. Trust me. Try it. It's better.

So, a week of my life in journal form:

I'm going to share it with you because, well, it's important. To me. And so, you come here voluntarily, thus, it must be important to you also in some crazy small way. Whatever. I'm doing it anyway.

I'm not perfect... if you don't like something in particular about me, I'm sorry. But, the truth is you aren't perfect either. So, therefore, I declare, we must journal our way out of this mess! I'm looking for answers here people! But, don't FIX yourself, or think you'll be fixed or I'll be fixed because of it... it's the original versions of people that I like best usually. So, let's refurbish what's beautiful, and throw out what's hurting us. If you can't do that in your journal, then where can you for cryin out loud?

Here goes day one. Sunday May 2, 2010... it's early, or late, however you see it, and thus, there may be more from this day.... but here's the beginning of it...

G'night till tomorrow peeps...

Inspirational Sites

2010-04-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so many of you have replied that you want me to continue blogging... so here you go.
These are my current list of inpsirational websites I've recently been to.

http://www.tarawhitney.com/ LOVE her style and her pix

http://www.jeremycowart.com/ DUH! He's amazing and that's that.

http://www.pauloctavious.com/ Super cool and authentic photographer. I really like how creative he is.

http://www.crumplerbags.com/ I am getting one of these... and this might be the coolest website I've been to in awhile...

Ok, and finally, a must see... http://thepioneerwoman.com Her website, sigh, is a dream come true... Oneday I too will be like her... great cook, author, awesome photographer, nice person, etc. etc. You'll see. Go there. Right now. You'll see.

More will come!

By the way, I did some photography "research" tonight... and found some SUPER cool locations in downtown minneapolis to do some neat urban stuff... so keep it in mind if you're looking for something totally different and rad!

G'nite peeps!

Days 6 & 7 of A Week in the Life of Shelly

2010-04-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

A Week in the Life of Shelly
Day 6 : Friday

Clockin in, and headin to the bank to make the deposit.

Grab a quick, cheap coffee, and it wasn't that good, while listening to I-Tunes in car... Today it was Sheryl Crow.

Hello ladies! My co-workers today. I warned Mel... "be careful or I will blog you." HA! Seriously though, have I mentioned that I work with awesome people? Totally the best ever!

I think this tree is my enemy... full of pollen. But I love him still.

Here's where I go often for lunch... they know what I want when I call, and sometimes, even give me a discount because I'm such a regular. Also, I have two favorite waiters who work here... Chris and Ty. I think they're roommates, too. Anyway, I like going to this place and the people who work there.

Today I had a side salad and some of a grilled cheese. It was pretty tasty.

On my lunch break I visited this awesome blog... http://thepioneerwoman.com/. It was here I discovered a recipe for Pasta Carbonera from Pastor Ryan. I think I might make it sometime this weekend, because it sounds and looks awesome!

Here's my lovely Kirsten. I sometimes like to call her my "slave" at work because she does everything I don't have time to do. I like her a great deal.

This lady has a heart of pure gold. Seriously. She's one of the original employees of our store, and the world is a better place because she's in it.

Mel trying to elude the blog... but look at this, I got her! And I am blogging her right now!

Here's another really nice lady! She's my regular mania hostess!

So, there are no more pictures from day 6 because I went home after this from work and when I walked in the door had the worst allergy attack I've ever had. I had to use Wesley's nebulizer and took two benedryl and immediately went to bed. Allergies suck. Have I mentioned that? They are really, really doing a number on me. I wasn't even able to blog last night! My world was coming to an end! Thus why these two days are combined...

Day 7

A week in the life of Shelly...

First things first... this one I like to call "my starbucks." It's on the corner of 75th and Lyndale... about 4 blocks from my house. They know me there, and know what I like to drink. Usually they have it ready for me before I even pay. LOVE IT!

Any guesses? First person to email me what I ordered today I will send a $5 Starbucks card. :)

At work I saw Maia, and she showed me her new I-Phone. I admit, I have I-phone envy... someday maybe my Sprint store will carry them and then I'll buy one. For now though, my little HTC Hero is working out quite nicely... and it's major "google-ific!" I love it!

And, Beck and I worked together today and got to have a little visit from Ang! That was sure nice!

I don't think I'm supposed to say this, but this is my favorite customer. Charlotte comes in at least once a week to scrap in the back workroom. I have learned a great deal from her, just by observing her life. She is the greatest example of faithfulness I have ever seen. It's people like her that make the world a better place for me every single day.

At this time, I left work because of another allergic reaction to air, I think. I immediately went to my favorite Urgent Care facility, because it was that bad, and I met a handsome, single, doctor. Ang, Beck, and Sondra, I asked if he'd be willing to be set up on a blind date with ya'll and he said he'd think about it. :) He prescribed what he called "magical" meds that he promised would immediately make me feel better. So, I immediately drove to Target pharmecy to pick up these magical meds. I'm crossing my fingers they work.

Here's what my eyeballs looked like when I got home... not so hot.

I did feel better when I got to the back yard and found these lovely people. OH how they make my heart sing!

At Target, they gave me these... I immediately took them and then went to my room like a good girl. OH, and I "borrowed" this add from the Urgent Care waiting room for my "inspirational wall." Someday I'll blog about the wall... later. But this is important to me b/c it's Annie Leibovitz-World famous, amazing photographer. Actually, there aren't words to describe her ability to capture people. I noticed in the pic that she's shooting with the same camera I do, and that makes me feel like anything's possible, folks. I've got the whole world at my fingertips. Expect great things. I feel like I've only used a small sliver of what I'm capable of! I'm really, really excited.

In my room, while waiting for the allergy meds to kick in, I decided to watch this movie.... I paused it about halfway to cook dinner, so I'll let you know what I think at the end. Here's the essential things I needed while watching the movie... kleenex, remotes, and of course, Samoas. Thanks Maddie and Tay, my favorite girl scouts! There goes my "no carb" diet.

Remember yesterday, me talking about Pastor Ryan's recipe? Well here it is on my plate. Brian said I could make this meal once a week and that would be fine with him. Also, note: it's NOT low carb. Tomorrow's going to be a purge the carb day I guess.

Here's the happy family, eating the carbs. I think this picture of Owen is amazing... don't know why, but I do.

Oh, and during dinner we had this creature visit our yard! Hello, we live on the corner of 494 and 35W! Does this bird not know this is NOT really an animal haven? I hope he's OK right now because he was headed right toward the exit ramp. Funny stuff.

And that, finally, is the end of a week in my life. I had a good time remembering each day... and I think I'm on an amazing journey towards... more of me. It's good. Real good.

I hope you are on an amazing journey, too. I really think, if we look hard enough, that each day is full of many, many treasures and moments that are very teachable and valuable. I love this about life, don't you?

Thanks for listening, friends.

Day 5 Peeps

2010-04-22T18:40:00.001-07:00

A week in the life of Shelly, day 5... here we go.

Me and the little guys on our way this a.m. bright and early...

Kirsten letting me know I looked terrible, and then took my picture to prove it. After I dropped the boys off I must have gotten pollen in my eye... had a full out allergic reaction. Took allergy meds, eye drops and a benedryl upon arriving at Archiver's... it was not pretty friends. Not pretty at all.

Still managed to get the day rolling depsite extreme sniffles and pain... as I write this my vision is still blurred.

This helped a little... can you guess? Americano with cream and cinnamon powder.

I had to hang these up this AM... buy $15 worth of Hero Arts product and get an idea book for free! Started today and goes until supplies last. I sound like a commercial.

I worked with these lovelies today. I was never so thankful to see Sian... it allowed me to leave early and take more allergy medicine...

I had this for lunch... well, some of it. I'm not gonna lie, it was terrible. I ate about 4 good bites and threw the rest.

This nice lady stopped by. I heart her. A great deal.

I made this layout today for the new KI Zoo line. I like how it turned out!

I had leftovers for dinner, the kids had mac n cheese, and Brian... well he had bacon flavored spam, friends. He tried to get me to try it but I didn't fall for it. GROSS!!

Here's me saying goodnight to the two squirrels. Notice the still-red eyes... I'm never going to get over these allergies!!!

We watched a little TV tonight... Brian's favorite shows... Survivor and CSI. Go Russell!

And, I did laundry. Earth-shattering stuff friends, but it is still my life, and I still love it!

OH, and the best part of all, my friend Beckie sent me this link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LacC2gN_M7w

Let's just say we'll be getting tickets to the midnight showing people.

Till tomorrow friends...

A Week in the Life, Day 4

2010-04-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

Day 4... today was my "day off" from work. I sometimes have these randomly in the middle of the week because I work retail and thus, weekends. This weekend is my weekend to work, so today... was my Saturday... sort of.

This is Bella. She's our 6 mth old puppy and she was very very happy that mommy stayed home with her all day. She followed me around all day, and we had the best morning together.

I met this dear lady, Kelly, for coffee this morning. We discussed the amazing Jeremy Cowert Vision Seminar that I recently got home from in Nashville, TN. I told her all my hopes and dreams, and together we decided she should also pursue visual arts! I'm so excited for her, and I think she's maybe one of the best people in the universe.

Coffee with her is going to need to be a regular thing from now on, FYI.

I met Owen's preschool teacher, "Miss Angie" for his parent/teacher conference this morning. She's pretty much amazing, and Owen absolutely adores her. She assured me that he's more than ready for Kindergarten and said he was a JOY to have in her class!

Then I met this lovely person for lunch because he forgot to pack one. So, it was a "date!"

Today I took some time to think... journal, read, journal more. I discovered that God is in the business of changing the way we think. I like it, because a lot about how I think has been challenged lately. So, it was confirmation that what I'm going through is good.

Change is good... repeat after me, change is good...

Because of too many other things last night, I wasn't able to watch "Glee" when it was on... so today I took some day off time to catch up! SO stinking good!

When that was over, I took a nap, but didn't take a picture because I was sleeping.

After I made dinner for the family, I worked on Brady's invitations to Confirmation next week. He and I decided on a navy and orange themed invite! They're cute, yet still manly enough for a teenager to not feel weird about! Going to mail them in the AM.

I dropped Brady off here, at the "mega-church" as we like to call it, for Weds. night youth programming. He just informed me that he's looking forward to going to the "high school" aged group this summer! That struck me... my baby's going to be in High School! YIKES!

While Brady was at church, I went to Cracker Barrel with my friend Kellie... it was so nice to hang out and chat. We always have fun conversations about life, and my favorite thing about Kellie is her compassionate heart.

And now, the end of this day has come, and I'm going to go to bed and dream of wonderful things that are yet to come. Till tomorrow...

A Week in the Life, Day 3

2010-04-20T20:58:00.001-07:00

Here's day three, Tuesday, of a week in my life....
I had to work, so headed out about 7:15 because I had to drop off all the kiddos at their schools on the way...

Here's the first thing I did... me and Kirsten went to Sam's Club and set up a business account for our store. So, now we're Sam's Club married. I told her that after work I was going to make a bunch of fraudulent charges in her name. J/K. Anyway, and then, here's my desk with all my important things on it... my cell, my name tag, my jump drive, my lipgloss, my sharpie pen, and of course, my coffee. Americano with cream and cinnamon powder, once again.

Here's my buddy Sondra, she and I get to work together usually once a week. :) Tonight we just saw each other in passing.

Listening to Matt Kearney on the way home. Excellent.

Was home for about 15 minutes and then left for Bethany Academy for Brady's Science Fair. His experiment was on which laundry detergents clean better and why. Tide won btw.

Then, we went to our favorite park ever... Centennial Lakes in Edina, for a walk while Brady finished up his "science stuff." We got married at this park, so it's special to us.

Lots-o-beautiful stuff blooming in MN right now... thus the allergies I mentioned yesterday...

Here's the oversmiling chip eating park goer himself!

More blooming stuff...

These were my favorites.

These are the two happy boys in the park...

This is us in "our" park, as we like to call it. One with the timer, and the other taken by little Owen! (the budding photographer) I don't like the look on my face... but what can I do?

Then I came home and cooked dinner.

Then, finally, I talked to this wonderful person for over an hour. It was an important conversation... as all of "our" talks are... but this one in particular was very inspiring. During the convo, we made a pact to always email each other inspirational links when we come across them. I sent her a list of them tonight, and she sent me this one: http://noonebelongsheremorethanyou.com/ It's amazing. Go all the way until you can't anymore. Ahh friends, so good to laugh! My heart is healed in so many ways by this amazing friendship. Yay!

Stay tuned world, and expect great things!

A Week in the Life of Shelly, Day 2

2010-04-19T18:55:00.001-07:00

It's Monday, kids, and of course, I am running little late. It's only because my kids were extra needy while being dropped off at daycare this morning.

Sometimes, I get this... medium Americano with room for cream and a dash of cinnamon powder. It usually makes my day better, and everyone who has to deal with me.

Here's where I work. Only I go in the back door, not the front, because I'm a manager. I really like everything we sell at our store... genuinely. So, it's pretty easy for me to sell it.

I do these kinds of things at work... today it was "researching" sketches for this weekend's getaway crop. One of the challenges will be for customers at the crop to make a page from some other person's sketch... officially it's called "scrap-lifting." It's totally legal in most countries. Also, I have this "paperwork" that my day runs by... who's working, what classes, how much stuff do I need to sell per hour, etc. etc. Fun stuff.

I get to see these lovelies on most days... they make me smile.

I like when Dee gets to work because it usually means I can leave... Here's me and Heather getting ready to leave, and my time on the way home... listening to new Dave Barnes on the I-Tunes through my archaic cassette player.

After dinner on most days, I am an Internet search junkie. Tonight it was these two talented ladie's photography for a little visual stimulation. Good, good, good, stuff.

Then, I said good-night to this little man. He's my baby, mostly grown up now. Currently he's playing one last game of NBA live in his X-Box 360 and then we're off to bed.

Things i might have learned today:

1. It's ok for us to disagree. I can still like you if we do.

2. You can't always get what you want or go where you want. (My evening plans were averted by a home improvement project that still is not complete as I write this blog.)

3. Minnesota allergies suck. I'm living proof.

4. I will make the most of tomorrow and the rest of this week, even if I had disagreements and my plans were averted, and my allergies suck, because life, my friends, is full of great things. So I will choose to enjoy and love each second I've got.

Till tomorrow, loves.

A Week in the LIfe of Shelly, Day 1

2010-04-18T19:15:00.001-07:00

I've accepted a challenge from www.aliedwards.com to chronicle a week of my life in film and journaling... the blog will be my starting point... I'm thinking it will all end up in a scrapbook though. So, here's today, Sunday, April 18, 2010.

This is us, leaving around 9 to go get some breakfast at McDonald's...

We decided to drive around a little bit, so we listened to Matt Chandler from www.thevillagechurch.net. The message was on repentance and based out of Exodus 20. I liked it a great deal. You can download it too. I believe it led me to a crazy ACT on FB today. So, I'm pretty sure God himself inspired it all. I'm sure that people are mad at me for what I might have said, but sometimes, I just have to say what I'm thinking.

(Side note: I strongly believe facebook is a SOCIAL networking site, not a place for ignorant people to post their opinions about politics, right winged hair brained cultish ideas, or religion. It's a place to be friends, not to preach... )

Anyway, enough about all that!

Then we went here... because that's what we do all the time. This trip was for allergy eye drops, and laundry detergent for Brady's science fair project.

Wesley decided to dump an entire sippy cup of Gatoraide on his shorts, so we had to let them dry while he and I hung out in the car and listened to tunes.

When we got home, and Wes was taking a nap, we did this.

This was my view.

And sometimes this...

If I'm going to lay in the front yard, it's going to be with this person.

He's my soulmate and I love him to death!

B took this picture of me in the reflection of his laptop... it's pretty neat!

While hanging out in the yard, I noticed our rug drying and decided to give it a good scrub... it's really really CLEAN now! I can't wait to bring it back inside.

Then, TV stopped by to drop off my crock pot and cooler from Angie's surprise 30th BD bash yesterday... that was nice! I think TV is one of the best people on earth.

I got these new flip flops next... a quick stop to Sportsmart.

Then we went to my favorite So. Mpls. antique store b/c they were having a sale this weekend. It's called Hunt and Gather. You must go there. I really liked these wooden block letters.

I really like this, too...

If they had a registry at Hunt and Gather, I would put this on my wish list.

Then we went here for dinner... amazing food, great atmosphere, neat decore... loved it!

I usually don't look like this, like I've been crying for days... the allergy season is in full force here, so I'm all red-eyed and sneezy.

Here's my "S" collection... growing each time I go to an antique store. Today I added the little orange "S" and the wooden campsite "s"... they all have special names.

And the end of the day, good night boys! Apparently we need to clean your room tomorrow night! SHEESH, look at all that stuff!

And that, friends, is the end of day one... a day in the week of my life. Stay tuned for more random things tomorrow!

Re Digging in the Dirt

2010-04-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

I hate old wounds... and why is it that all it takes is one comment from some random person and I am right back in the middle of something really really really old and way too familiar?

It's like you are running around on the playground with one of those really big plastic balls that fills your life with joy and some really mean boy comes and snatches it out of your hands and runs away with it as fast as he can.

And there it is... all your hurt and pain caught in a compilation of emotion in the back of your throat. The shock of being robbed of your joy. The reminder that some people are just rotten, and toxic, and should be avoided at all costs. What's even worse is that they mascarade around looking like normal people. But they aren't.

So, rotten, mean, evil boy... here is what I have to say to you today.

I will no longer let you bully me. You go ahead and take my shiny new ball and run away with it. I could care less, because we all know those shiny big plastic balls always get popped and thrown away, that's why they only cost $2.99 in the first place. You go ahead, because I know what's true. I know in my heart who I am and who's I am. And you can't take it away from me. You, and your self righteous, smug, have to feel good about yourself all the time, prideful heart.

And I am going to go to bed tonight knowing that even though you blame everyone else for what you yourself have caused, I have only looked in the mirror and dealt with what I saw. And even though what I saw was hard to swallow, I took a long hard look anyway, and dealt with it. And every day, you still try to punish others for what is indeed your own issue. I feel a little sad for you right now.

Once again, pulling up my bootstraps and moving on. There are plenty of other things in life that are worth living for, loving, cherishing and enjoying that I really don't have time to sit here and cry over your spilled milk.

Lots of metaphors here, but you all get my point.

Tub Time

2010-04-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

I've been challenging myself lately with the 5D...

Just a few pix from the tub...

All shot in manual with no flash... in low light. Tricky.

But fun, none the less!

Recent art...

2010-04-03T23:37:00.001-07:00

I'm grabbing hold of the thought that fear will no longer limit me. I'm doing things and making goals, and nothing is going to get in the way... no more tabling things for next year, next month, or when this or that happens. I'm grabbing the bull by the horns, and going out there. Taking risks, learning, failing, learning more, and pushing myself harder. I'm going to do this people. And I'm not afraid anymore to try.

Look out world, I'm going to be used to impact you. Are you ready?

A little (?) fear...

2010-03-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

I took this picture three years ago... of Owen. He was just two at the time. I was thinking about it because I was wondering about what would happen if someone asked me to show them what I think is the best picture I've ever taken. This is the only one that came to mind.

Here's all the things i love about this, and thus my "philosophy" on photography will spill out...

One, I didn't plan this. It is not staged. The way the light falls more brightly on his hand in such a perfect way was just the natural setting. We were standing in a parking lot and I was loading the stroller in the car... he was waiting for me at the curb. It is perfect.

This photo is not edited. It is not enhanced or cropped. I actually had my camera set to monochrome so that it would shoot in black and white. This is the real picture. I love that. We shouldn't have to "try" so hard to make something beautiful. It should just be that way.

We live in the city. This is evident in this photo. It accurately portrays our life here. Me going, Owen waiting... it's all a part of our everyday stuff. I just happened to snap a photo of it.

I love the way things are laid out here... the continuous fence... the way Owen is not the center of the photo, but off to the side... the way you can clearly see his little hands... all of it. I love. I could not have planned or practiced this. This is me. This is what I saw and was able to capture. I think, this is talent. I don't think "normal" people see things this way.... right? I don't know.

See, this post is all about me wondering... will I ever be good enough, for myself? Will I ever not "table" my dreams because of fear? Will I ever see it for what it is and use it with all my might? Sometimes it can be so very very hard to struggle with these things.

"If I have a hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you." Don Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

I am thinking that overcoming my fear and grabbing hold of what I've got in front of me is essential to this journey of becoming the real me in my story.

Thanks Don. Thanks Jeremy. Thanks Caitlyn. Thanks Beth. Thanks for pushing me a little farther into what I needed to see and hear. Now what will I do with it?

Fighting the Winter

2010-01-27T20:24:00.001-08:00

Help me remember, when I look at the snow, that it will melt and spring will come. Help me to cherish the sunshine when I have the opportunity to see it. Help me to notice that during this dormancy, there is growth happening just the same. Help me to see that it has it's own beauty... equal to what the beauty of spring is. Help me remember that what has died, both inside of me, and outside of me, will come to life again, in a new way, at the right time.

Help me remember that even though it's hard to endure the cold, the frigidness, the way this "winter" takes your breath away, there are often times that it's hard to endure heat as well. We are never satisfied in the moment. We always want something different than what we have. Help me to have gratitude for what I have. I have SO much more than I ever have wanted or needed... and so much grace has come with all that I have been given. I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it. I can't do "good" and make more "good" happen in my life. Really what it means is... I am blessed.

Help me to cherish those around me with a passionate heart. Help me to have compassion on those around me who are hurting and broken. Help me to love. Myself, my family, my friends, my enemies. Help me to remember that even in winter, there can be forgiveness. There can be hope. There can be life.

Help me to remember...

I am

2009-08-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am...
not going to get into your box, fit into the assumptions you put on me, or give in to the judgements you press.

more than you ever imagined or took the time to know.

willing to show you, but only if you are willing to see.

healed.

realistic about broken-ness.

honest. With myself and others.

not willing to accept unforgiveness as an option.

not going to let you view me or define me based on my "performance" in your eyes.

not willing to allow unhealthyness to be forced upon me just because you cannot help it.

strong.

willing to take a leap of faith.

in love with the underdog.

able to see the good in many people.

able to believe the impossible is possible.

not perfect.

not going to expect you to be perfect.

called.

free.

positive.

compassionate.

nice to strangers.

willing to give the benefit of the doubt, most of the time.

growing.

hopeful.

loving.

Unexpectations

2009-06-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

So, life is throwing some curve balls... and I'm realizing that everyone, including myself, is not immune to hardships and things that stop you in your tracks and make you think this thought,
"I never thought this would happen to me."

You'd think I would know this already, because I've already found myself in this situation a few times...

But as of late, I have realized that bad things can happen. Either on purpose or accidentally... and they can happen to me.

Why is it that we think we are invincible? I hear about someone else who was in an accident, or has a rare disease, or cancer, or their husband died, and while my heart always goes out to them, I often don't give it a thought that this could be my life someday... that the ebb and flow of unpredictable situations, diseases and relational issues could indeed land in my path.

And then it does land in my path.

I am a delayed reactor... I go though things and am quite strong and able through the process of the crisis and pain, and then, weeks or even months later, I have my moments of panic of the situation. If someone like my father, the physically strongest man I've ever met, can be very seriously injured by a piece of farm equipment, and stopped in his tracks... (all he knew of his life has now changed) If someone like him can be hurt, then anyone in my life could be hurt. I know this might not make sense, but when you're living in the "life is invincible" reality, the new "anyone can get hurt" reality is hard to swallow.

I continue to have dreams about my children being hurt, and my own arm being damaged in an accident like my dad's was. And it always strikes me when I'm telling a friend about it and they say, don't worry because that probably won't happen. Because really, it might happen. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do to prevent one of my loved ones from being hurt. It is just part of the unknowns of this life. Do you think my dad ever thought that he'd be hurt like this? I guarantee you he didn't. Do you think my friend from church planned to loose her husband 9 months after their wedding? NO!

So where I am today makes my heart incredibly thankful. For the most part, my husband and children are alive and well. We are healthy and happy.

The word is cherish. And as simple as it is, no matter if you've been hurt or not, each day of this life can be a gift for us, if we want it.

Realizations

2009-05-14T00:09:00.001-07:00

Here's the thing...
the people out there who need the most help, usually don't want it. And there's nothing, absolutely nothing, anyone can do about it.

for the most part, I'm pretty positive. I am full of faith and hope. However, recently, I've seemed to just take it for what it is, in certain situations.

Sometimes, people just are hard. I can't change it. All I can do is work with God on me. Only he can change someone, and only someone else can respond to God's prompts for them to change. I have nothing to do with it. And so, let's face it... people often, DON'T change.

Even when they should. Even when it's life or death, and the relationships all around them of the people who love them are riding on it... they don't change.

So, my predicament is this... how can I learn to handle it when the person not changing is affecting me so much because I'm one of the loved ones watching? What do we do?

Sit in the middle of this pain with me. I have no control. I cannot change the person. I cannot change the situation. I have to sit here and watch. Watch the pain, watch the suffering, watch the unwillingness to move or bend. Wait for a miracle... and really, I have given up hope that it's coming because it's easier for me to live there, than to be hopeful and then disappointed.

All of this stuff, it is the core of me. My entire life is a result of this pain watching of the unmoved person. The realization that I will not ever be enough of a reason for someone to want to change.

And then, here's the miracle: I love him still. With every ounce and core of my being, i cannot escape or release this overwhelming powerful love. What is this inside of me, this un-fathomable love? It overcomes even the hardest, most broken obstacles, and pours out, even when not deserved or asked for. How is this possible? When all this is the flesh of me wants to lash out in anger and pain, the spirit cries love. Tears and sobs of love... wishing and hoping, even though I tell myself I know better than that.

I can't give up. And I won't.
Even though the reality is, things probably won't ever change.

In a year...

2009-01-27T22:49:00.000-08:00

I'm amazed at all that has happened this year, sweet baby boy. The journey to you was an adventure, and now a year has gone by.

I sometimes get amazed when I look back at the pictures of us... both of our lives were vulnerable... you in the NICU barely able to breathe... me in the room across the hall, my blood pressure uncontrollable. At the time, I was only just coping with each minute, not able to fully grasp the situation and how things might have turned out. As I look back I am extremely grateful. We survived little boy! You and me, together.

You give my own life so much joy. It's such a privilege to watch you grow up and to stand witness to your life. I can only pray that I can parent you in the best way for who you are.

Thanks for surprising us with beautiful blessings and teaching me about what it is to cherish. Happy almost one year...

New Year, New Confusion

2009-01-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

Hi all...
I'm a little depressed. I can't put my finger right on it, can anyone who's depressed? I think I am not sure.

Just not sure.

Not sure about what's next, or if where I am is right. Not sure if what I'm doing is just filling time, killing time, or just pointless. Not sure if I'm impacting anything for the better. Not sure.

I know I know.. I'm parenting. That's valuable.
Cleaning house... wow, earth shattering.
Teaching people how to make cards and scrapbook... hmmm. Mountain moving.

I just have this in between waiting game deal going on. I just don't know. I think it might be that crisis that happens to us in our mid thirties. Shouldn't I be "someone" now? Shouldn't life be and feel more established and calm? Shouldn't I emotionally be free and healed of all things that have happened to me or happened because of me? Shouldn't I be strong, conquering, confident, beautiful and wise by now?

And so, I stand in front of a road, that I don't know if I should take. I don't know if I should change directions. I don't know if what I am good at is over with and now I need to find something else to be good at. I'm not sure.

Anyone with insight, please email me.

To you all, Happy New Year!

The In-Betweens

2008-11-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

My friend Joy, one of those angels God puts in your path at just the right time for just the right reason, once advised me on "future" worry.

I was just out of college, and ready to be teacher of the year. Only problem was, I couldn't even get an interview, and I was so so so deflated. I just searched and searched my heart and kept asking God why he wouldn't just provide the opportunity to teach? What was holding me back? At the time, Joy was my bible study leader at church. She is quite a bit older than me, and then I was only a 20 something. We would gather together for prayer afterwards, and I was always asking for prayer for my future. "What was I supposed to do," I kept wondering and asking.
One day Joy spoke profound holy spirit inspired words to me.

She said, "Shelly, What has God called you to do today? Do that and he'll show you tomorrow when you get to tomorrow."

Once again, I'm in an in-between time in life. We are not plugged into a church. I am not leading anything. I am not working anywhere, other than photography stuff and part time stuff at the srapbook store. But, those things don't feel like they count for some reason. I feel kind of "useless."

And WHY? Isn't what God has given me for this day valuable? What is it inside of me that feels like I'm not contributing right now because I'm mostly an at home mom? I often have pockets in my day, little brief corners, where I think, "OH, I'm so glad I didn't miss that because my kids are in daycare." I've spent so much time investing in other people's kids... what about my own?

So, if you're reading this, pray for me and I'll pray for you, the following prayer:

"Whatever is in front of me or behind me, is not as important, Lord, as what I am doing right NOW. This moment, this second, is from you. Help me to serve you in it."

Now, rest in this day. Be still. Stand and take it in. Because the moment may pass, and we might miss out on what and who's in store.

Fall

2008-10-21T11:42:00.001-07:00

Just a few pix of the boys this fall... they are getting so very very big and are all in different stages. I love them so much!

Old Appetites

2008-10-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

So, I'm learning some things this year... 2008 is my year of learning, I think. I'm almost 35. I think this must be the time in life where we decide, this is who I am, and everyone else can deal with it. For me, it has become more, this is why I am free from who I used to be, and am more myself than ever before.

Here's a quote that caught my attention, at bible study, of course. Talking about the wilderness and what God says to us when we are grumbling through it... "I have shown you my presence again and again. I have intervened on your behalf with signs and wonders. I have healed your bitter water and have led you to the palms. I have also let you go hungry so that you would know who it is who feeds you. Now I will put you through the hardest test of all: I will let you grow accustomed to my presence. I will feed you from my table daily and prove who you really are. Will you grow in awe, or will you grow cold?"

Wow. Who am I? God is proving to me and is giving me the opportunity to respond to him in the amazing provisions he has given me.

So, songs... always in my head. This one particularly today...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

His mercies never come to an end.

They are new every morning, new every morning.

Great is thy faithfulness O Lord. Great is thy faithfulness.

Today I am standing in awe. Tomorrow I might fail, but today I am in awe.

If you're reading this, you are already blessed beyond what you can dream... you have a computer and the means to read something online. You have time to sit and read it. I have time to sit and write it. We are blessed. This is abundance. My old appetite would say, I want more than I have. I need "this" to feel happy. I want "that" so I can "appear" like I'm doing good to others. However, the truth is this... I am who I am because God has filled up the old parts with new. He has created and treasured me enough to want me as his own. And I have asked him to come and be between me and what hurts. I have asked him to open the eyes of my heart so I can really see... and then to have the courage to face what's there. And he's for sure, without a doubt, doing that right now today...

Extremely, overwhelmingly, thankful.

Tough Day

2008-09-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

So, the three year old in our house is a wonderful, curious, enormous personality, who most days puts me down on my knees begging God for strength, compassion, and mostly just HELP. Today, was extra, extra special.

My husband lost his wallet on the 4th of July... he has not gotten his driver's license updated yet. Nice. But, this is something I cannot do for him. So he'll have to go without until he physically goes and replaces it. So, the day started with a phone call... he had a bank meeting and needs his passport. Can you please Shelly go look for it... It could be in the pile of papers in the hall closet, or the junk drawer, or the bill drawer, or the safe, which by the way is locked and you need to find the combination to open it, which we aren't exactly sure where it is.

So, with Spongebob Squarepants on the TV and Wesley snuggled into his high chair with a bottle, mom starts searching. Probably 10 minutes into the search, I come into the living room to check on Mr. O, who is at the same moment "hiding" something in a blanket on the couch. I say, "WHAT are you doing?" To my surprise, I find the little "i" from our laptop keyboard, that was pryed off, and now apparently is treasure enough to hide. OK, he's in big trouble. Anyway, I reprimand, and explain why we can't touch the laptop, and now it's broken... at that point I couldn't even type with the letter I... UGH!

Back to the passport search... about 5 more minutes of me looking and I hear, "I have to go potty." OK, I say, Go ahead and go...

I'm still looking, he's peeing... then flushing, and flushing, and flushing... my instincts start to kick in, but it's too late. As I round the corner, I see overflowing water... and a LOT of toilet paper. Like I just changed the roll this morning and now there's nothing left on the roll and it's all flowing in streams of water down the bathroom floor out into my hallway all over my hardwood floors....

Cusswords.
Lots and lots of them.

All I can find is dirty laundry to at least dam the flow... I make a huge pile a the bathroom door to slow it down... find my way to the toilet to stop the water flow... I have to pry the whatever it is that controls the water level water lever in an up position with the end of the plunger to get it to stop...
Then run outside to get the wet vac... we live in an old house that occasionally gets water, so we know about wet vacs... anyway... run back in and frantically start sucking it up...

Mr. O... please go upstairs and have a timeout on your bed until mommy is done cleaning this up, and then we are going to have serious words. And don't MOVE from your bed until I get there.

By the time I get upstairs to check on him... obviously the kid can't be left alone to his own devices for more than ten seconds... he is putting a PENCIL in the FAN! Yes, breaking yet another thing.

I loose it. Yes, I loose it. In fact, I have to sit down and cry, and I start hyperventilating. I think it was pretty much a kind of panic attack. Ever had one? It feels like a heart attack and a migraine all at the same time... for whatever reason, it's my head that always hurts the most. This all is now 15 minutes before we have to leave to go to a bank meeting, where I need to be dressed, clean, and not looking like I've been wearing my PJ's all day and now have wet vac stains on them, and also just had a panic attack. I lay the three year old down for a nap... yes it's only going to be a 20 minute nap, but at this point, there are no other options.

I check on the baby... still sucking on a bottle. I head for the downstairs shower... and guess what I find?

Water. Water everywhere... my efforts to slow it and suck it apparently didn't matter at all. And now our basement has water. And I just move things, and pull up the rug, and get a fan. That's all I can do at this point... and I take a shower.

In that shower the prayer went something like this...
"I don't know how you expect me to handle 20 more years of this raising boys, but if you do I need a little help here."
And then you know what happened? I was washed over, literally and spiritually, with peace.

I am thankful. These kids are beautiful. My husband is absolutely amazing. I am so blessed.
So tonight has been clean up, get organized and let's regroup for tomorrow.
In high school my best friend's mom, Linda, used to tell us, "better days are coming."
She's right.

Me, Right now...

2008-09-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

Brian and I...

Mommy and Owen...

Mommy and Wes...

Brady, Bradster.

For whatever reason, God made me to be a self-evaluator. Probably an Over self evaluator is more like it. And in that, about every 6 months or so I go through some personal crisis of belief, wondering what does this all mean, and how does this impact me, and who am I in the process. On and on and on it goes.

This month, weeks have been no exception... however, this time, there's a mountaintop lasting impactful jolt of clarity.

Who I am and all that I've become, thank God, is not just on my own shoulders. I realized, that me, this hurt, wounded, healing, recovering, in process of restoration, type of person, is a "tabernacle." A place where one who is holier than holy actually dwells. A sanctuary. Tried and True. I have been studying this in a bible study, but it is rocking my world upside down. What does this mean about me? How can so much anger, resentment and vulgarity come out of a place where the holier than holy dwells? Ahhh, this journey is so overwhelming, isn't it?

A word about bible studies... the one I am in is KICK BUTT. They are SO doing it the right way. I only say this because I've been in all types, shapes and sizes of bible studies. In this one, my children really do have LOVING childcare, where they are encouraged and built up... not just some babysitter that was a last minute find, who's counting the seconds until it's over. And, they have SNACKS... Good snacks. Homemade delicous wonderful snacks. And HOT coffee. Free. With no obligation on my part other than to show up and learn. AND, I am not the leader. I have spent so much time in the last 5 years leading "stuff." It's such a BREATH of fresh air to not lead, and just participate and enjoy. Whew! I didn't realize I needed that so much. AND, people are REAL. I'm one of those folks that believes if everything feels too good to be true, it probably is. Like if you go to a church and everyone looks great, and the building is shiny and new, I find myself wondering... "where do the sinners and outcasts sit?" Anyway, I, the sinner and outcast, the cussing at home mom, the realist in too many ways, am enjoying that this room full of moms and ladies feel and appear, for the most part, to not give a rats a** about what anyone thinks and they are just struggling along the same as me.

That's right people, I struggle. I fail. I don't do it right most of the time. Every day of parenting for me starts with me wondering a. why me god? and b. could you help me out here? and c. can you make it work for my husband to come home early today? That's the kind of at home mom I am. There's no special crafts and baking projects... it's just me surviving this time in my life. Another mom said to me recently... we call that time in our marriage the "hell years." HA! She's so right. Don't get me wrong. I love and adore my kids. They are absolutely awesome! And funny! And so independant (like me)... which is great, but hard to parent. I will never be a homeschool mom. I absolutely relish the idea of my kids being in school. My dream is to garden, scrapbook and photograph my garden so I can scrapbook it. This will happen in about 18-20 years... :) For now, I struggle forward, trying to do and be this thing called mom. And be a tabernacle at the same time. OH and a wife. But, that's next week's post.

More to life...

2008-07-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

A phone call today from an old friend reminded me that there's a lot that's happened in this life. Here are the things I've learned so far:
1. There's nothing you can do that is not able to be forgiven by your Father.
2. When you make a mistake, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. You can never undo what's already done, all you can do is move on.
3. Find things that you enjoy, and do them.
4. Everything is better with ice cream.
5. Take time to laugh. Life is too short to waste on worry, guilt, fear, and regret.
6. When you find true friends, tell them you love them, hold on to them, be there for them, and don't let them slip away... because they can be taken from you in the blink of an eye.
7. Don't waste time worrying about what other people think. Who you are is already beautiful.
8. There is no time like the present to forgive, let go, and move on.
9. The secret to a happy life is not things, a big house, more money, a nice car, how well you parent, what kind of job you have, or what you look like. The secret to life is surrender to your heavenly father, and the great adventure that follows.
10. Stand up for yourself. No one else is going to.
11. Remove expectations, then you'll never be disappointed.
12. The only person responsible for your feelings is you, and the only way to control you feelings is by taking every thought captive.
13. YOU are valuable, loveable, and WORTH loving. Period. Anyone who tells you otherwise is jealous of the value they see in you.
14. YOU are talented. Everyone, no exceptions, has their own special mix of talents. Find yours and use them.
15. Smile, and be nice. You never know how this might impact someone standing in line behind you and how they might "pay it forward."
16. Don't give up.
17. Finally, see the good in everyone. It is actually there if you look hard enough.

Meet Wesley BlogWorld!

2008-07-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

Here's the most important thing I've done this year, besides be in love with my two other boys...

give birth to Mr. Wesley. Actually, I was just assisting God in a miracle, bringing his gift to earth through my body...

And that's pretty much who Wes is... the miracle man. He survived many things as a very small 35weeker in the NICU at Fairview Southdale... and when his time was up to come home, we've had nothing but wonderful blessings since... although it's gone by so fast, and has been such an amazing blurr of activity. My three boys...

God says, "every good and perfect gift is from above." Yes Lord, you are right again.

Satisfaction

2008-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

When I first fell in love with God, there were these songs that penetrated my soul.... every now and then, the words, chorus or something reminds me of one of these songs... and my heart is filled with awe and rememberance of the way God has called me, changed me, pulled me, pursued me, and finally, hasn't stopped loving me. What good news! Usually these songs come to me while rocking one of my kids in the middle of the night, or after some time in sincere prayer. What a great Holy Spirit gift, that God keeps on talking to me!

This song is in my head... as a result of some time in Psalm 3...
"Oh let the Son of God enfold you, with his spirit and his love. Let Him fill your life and satisfy your soul. OH let him have the things that hold you, and his spirit like a dove, will descend upon your life and make you whole. Jesus, oh Jesus, come and fill your lambs.
Oh let us sing this song with gladness, as our hearts are filled with joy. Lift your hands in sweet surrender to his name. Oh give him all your tears and sadness, and give him all your years of pain. And you'll enter into life in Jesus name.
Jesus, oh Jesus, come and fill your lambs."

Even now, tears and awe.
Thank you awesome God.

Christmas Updates...

2007-12-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

boys

2007-11-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

I love candy. That's the only reason I allow the boys to get dressed up and go trick or treating... that and we know most folks where we stop by. Anyway, now that I have a baby inside me, and a 95% chance of having gestational diabetes again, I can't have it anyway. So, last night was for them, and their candy search! Owen wanted Jr. Mints for breakfast. I talked him into a banana first. It's going to be a long couple of weeks before we get rid of it all!

Faith in Troubles

2007-09-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

1 Thessalonians 3:2,5
We sent Timothy to strengthen you, to encourage you in your faith, and to keep you from becoming disturbed by the troubles you were going through...I sent Timothy to find out whether you faith was still strong. I was afraid the tempter had gotten the best of you...

Ever been in the middle of something really hard? Where you had to sit back and watch horrible things, not being able to do one thing about it. Where the control of what was happening was completely out of your hands, and you can't do anything to make it better?

I'm in the middle of that right now, and let me tell you as frankly as possible, it sucks. I am coming unglued.

And then I come across these verses this morning, where Paul is asking the church, how strong are you? Even in troubles? I am sending Timothy to find out.

We can say we love God, we believe in his strength and power, etc.... but in the middle of the crisis, where the rubber meets the road so to speak, I am convicted by the weakness of my faith.

I am astonished by my own desire to fix it all, and not give it all to my Father... who is in complete power and control. I am perplexed by my faithlessness and inability to trust him in this process. I thought I was stronger....

So, today I go before God with weakness. Broken and unable to do anything without his divine intervention. Unable to be whoever he needs me to be without a pouring out from him. Me alone today is weak, fragile, hurt, angry, and quite scared.

Our God is a God of peace, not confusion. Apart from him, we can do nothing. I need His power, healing, and strength... to give me faith in the process of learning to trust.

Been awhile

2007-08-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess life has gotten in the way of my blogger time! It has been an amazing, overwhelmingly busy week.

First of all, a higlight...

It was VBS week at our church, and our theme was about construction and building your life on a firm foundation. Just as we were learning that all things built by man eventually crumble and fall, our very own 35W bridge was collapsing. An incredible reminder that there is no other foundation other than Jesus Christ. He is the only rock that will stand the test of time. While it was bitter sweet, it was a valuable lesson for our kids this week.

Second, thankfulness...

My children and I crossed the 35W bridge twice on Wednesday on our way up to the Roseville Archiver's to deliver some samples. It is a route I take often, as well as Brian. While we are thankful for God's divine protection, we also continue to pray for those suffering because of this tragedy. I told Brian just tonight, this family, the people in our lives, are more important in this life than anything else. It was and is a reminder to be thankful.

Finally, transitions...

I have been hired by a photographer to assist her occasionally. This is an incredible learning opportunity for me and I can't wait to soak it all up! AND, our Richfield home, where we've spent several years of happiness and love, will be officially on the market Monday morning. Our new adventure begins! While we don't exactly know how it will all turn out, we are hoping that we will be able to build a home in Farmington this winter. Many things have to happen in a certain order for this to become our reality. We trust our heavenly Father during this time of change. We are mostly moving to Brian's parent's home in Eden Prairie this weekend, so that we can have our house in "showable" condition whenever it needs to be. Having a crazy busy life and two boys makes us living here while showing a home a real challenge. We are fortunate that Brian's parents have an empty house in EP...

The boys are healthy and happy, and we couldn't be more blessed.

Cait's Words

2007-06-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

My dear girl, Caitlyn, is a beautiful and talented musician. She has a song on her new cd called Crushed and Created, and it has touched me over and over again...

here are some of the lyrics...

"we are crushed and created

we are melted and made

we are broken and built up in the very same way

what I thought I could handle

what I thought I could take

what I thought would destroy me

leaves me stronger in it's wake

I'm not the me that I started with

my friends say, my eyes are brighter

I'm not the me that I started with

I'm free-er

and I'm wiser

and I'm stronger... "

just a really good reminder, that what appears to be broken, is indeed just in transition.

God is amazing.

Coming Soon!

2007-06-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

My very own website with all things photography in mind...
My pal KDog is working on it for me, and you can check it out shortly.
for now, check out my logo...
Cool, heh!

The Call...

2007-05-31T21:23:00.001-07:00

Romans 11:29 says this... "for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." (NIV)

My "call" happened somewhere between 11th grade and college at a place called Inspiration Point... why Bible Camps should be number one on the list of things parents should do with their kids each summer. As God did an extreme 180 on my own heart at this little peninsula in central Minnesota, so it is my prayer that my son will experience the same miracles. And in fact, he is doing so. Each summer is a new step of growth for his young heart.

My confirmation of the "call" came while doing a bible study with a bunch of ladies who where triple my age mostly called "Experiencing God." A must for every believer.

And ever since then, I can't shake it. Just feeling the refining process from the potter mostly.

Lately, I've been somewhat frustrated with the call. I kind of want to trade it in for something new, but God's not letting me. He continues to pursue and reinforce, and I continue to not be able to shake it.

What's interesting to me is that the call doesn't change even when the circumstances of your service become complicated. For example, when a leader gets all broken by sin... and has to step down. If the heart is open, God then begins a process called restoration... to the same call. Remember, the gifts and the call are irrevocable. The Message bible says it this way, "God's gifts and God's call are under full warrenty--never canceled, never rescinded." So what happens, if the heart is open, is that God says something like this, "OK, you messed up. Let me heal you so I can use you again." He does! My life is a testimony to this.

OR, how about when you serve under an oppressive leader? Your automatic response might be to just quit. Duh, right? The leader is oppressive so walk away! Not necessarily. God's gifts and his call are irrevocable. A wise friend of mine once told me that you can't leave a place unless God opens a door for a new place and leads you to it. Sure you can try to make the doors fly open, but God will shut them if it's YOU doing the moving and not him moving you. Who do you serve? The oppressive leader or a mighty God? Who do you respond to when he calls? The oppressive leader or you Father? The KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS?

So, I sit before you tonight, all three of you who read this, cemented to this call. I can't shake it. I can't walk away from it. I can't leave it. It is who I am and by the grace of God, I will remain.

Somebody get me a latte! Make it a triple.

Lawn Watering Made Easy

2007-05-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

How to water your lawn and keep your two squirrelly boys busy while you weed the garden and water the flowers?

Give them the hose.

There's not much better than the hysterical laughter of these two awesome kids.

Fuzzy Discovery

2007-05-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

We've been out in the yard more lately, and Mr. O has discovered some interesting creatues in our front yard... like birdies and squirrels, and today, a fuzzy caterpillar. Check out these awesome pictures of the half an hour infatuation with the "capperpepper" like O says.

Later, we set him free in a nearby tree, and for the next half hour, there were frequent visits to see if he was still there! Oh the excitement of being two and finding the joys in new discoveries.

It makes me remember that life's a blast!

Pots, flowers, seeds and soil.

2007-05-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 64 says this, "O Lord, you are our father. We are the clay. You are the potter. We are the work of your hands."

I've been getting my hands dirty in the soil of my yard, and at the same time, God's got his potter hands on my heart.

Isn't it an amazing relief to know that we are being shaped by our potter? Along the same lines, I have been thinking about the soil of my heart, what's planted there, and how it's growing. God's doing some cool things with me... I am anxious for the flowers to bloom.

Here's my shout out to the new baby Caden, on his way as I write!

Blessings on your pot today. May you be resting in your potter's hands.

Vacation: Get there...

2007-04-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

If you haven't had one lately, it's time. I say this because, we are on one right now. It's heaven. I don't ever want to leave... but alas, we do have to go back to the real world sooner or later. I don't want to talk about that though.

Here's the highlights...
laying in the sun, watching O jump into the pool and not be afraid, seeing Brady laugh so hard he about keeled over, and the sheer joy of just being, as a family. Good stuff. We've done nothing but eat, relax, sleep and have fun.
This is so good for our minds, bodies, souls. Even though we're all sunburnt, we're happy. The real things in life are simple and good, and I've realized, I don't cherish them enough. We are blessed. So very very blessed.

My art

2007-04-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

One of the most recent neon signs that God has been flashing at me is this: Shelly, You are an Artist. It's flashing in green neon, because green is my favorite color lately.

So, to honor God's flashing light, I have started an ART GROUP. Want to join? Here's what this means: Me and all the other artists out there get together to make art. For example, last Saturday morning my pal Lee and I photographed random things at the Farmer's Market. Of course, my favorite photo was not one I took at the Farmer's Market, but one I took while getting back into the car with my 2 year old. He's a feisty little fella and wouldn't obey his mommy by standing next to the car. Instead, he had to go check out the chain link fence in front of our car and ... the perfect shot appeared right before my eyes. I love photography.

Did you know that there are churches out there who have "artist groups" and communities of people who just hang out and do art stuff together? Now, that's cool. My church doesn't have this, but I'm going to start this. Heck, I'll even be the "art pastor." How's that?

When I grow up, I am going to be a photographer. Like that's all I'm going to do with myself is take pictures. I have decided that when "they" wrote all the books on spiritual gifts, "they" forgot to add visual arts. This, I believe, may indeed be my strongest spiritual gift. Capturing God's creation and the beauty my eyes behold is not only a priceless thing, but also a service to others. So, anytime I have to fill out something or tell someone what my spiritual gifts are, I usually list visual arts while they look at me with blank stares. They don't get it. That's OK. When we get to heaven and there is beautiful art beyond what our eyes can imagine or see, they'll remember me and smile. And I will smile back.

Easter again...

2007-04-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

So, Easter has come and gone again. It's one of those holidays that should bring me joy as a Christian, but it only wears me out. From the kids singing in church, to new outfits, to baskets, and eggs... I sometimes get tired of the rat race our culture has made out of holidays. We had a nice meal at home, with several friends over, and then we all laid down for a long afternoon nap. Rest. In my opinion, all holidays should be like this. Eat and rest. Of course, we succumbed to the worldy tradition of coloring eggs and hiding them in our yard for our two year old to find. Even though he went to church that morning, I am pretty sure his best Easter memory will be finding those darned eggs. It's all backwards. I am considering skipping it next year. Not church, but eggs.

Recently, I have been reading up on fasting, and on taking the Sabbath day and keeping it holy. This has been good for me to continue to grow to understand. There's something about being intentional for God... some amazing thing that He meets us right in our stuff and blesses us through the process. I'm thankful for these things I don't understand completely, because even though it's a learning process and I'm a bit of a skeptic on all things, it's better to fast and rest than color Easter eggs and hide them in your yard. One is spiritual exercise, the other, well... just fluffy stuff in my opinion. And in the end, does the fluffy stuff I invest in really matter?

I'm going to do a church wide fast with my church. I'm not going to tell you when or where, though, because the Bible is clear that we are to fast in secret and that we are to even go out of our way to look good during a fast so no one knows we're starving ourselves, or in a period of deprivation. I've never done a fast for more than 24 hours. And I've never done one with a bunch of others at the same time. But, I'm going to do it. Not because they want me to, but because I'm curious to see what God will do with my heart during the time. I'll let you know what happens.

Make it a triple shot, please.

2007-04-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

Latte, anyone?
I have a confession to make. I love lattes. Now, I'm not the worshipper of food. Although I do believe food is probably one of the greatest things God invented! It's so amazing what you can do with it and the ways we can create it to be so pleasing. Weird. Anyway, I do love lattes a great deal. Yes.

So, here's my question of the day. When I am emotionally heavy, or feeling a little blue (which is a lot lately because of my blue phase) the only real pick me up this earth can offer me is a latte. I like to add flavors too, either vanilla or carmel. Whipped cream is a must. Who can drink a hot beverage without it, really? But, what is it? Why does this immediately lift my spirits and make me happy, even for one small second? My best friend laughs at me when I take my first sip of coffee and say, "Thank you Jesus!" And this morning, when I was ordering my latte with a gift card I got, the "barista" said, "would you like any pastries or food with that?" I laughed and replied, "Coffee is my food, silly!" He also laughed and said, "absolutely!"

So, on to the other idea that lead to me buying a latte. My friend, Pamela, and I make fun of this rubber stamp they sell at this mega scrap booking monopoly we used to work at. It says, "Be Happy." We think it's about the dumbest thing to put on a stamp and then to place on a card that is possible. (NOTE: Please do NOT send me a card that says "Be Happy.")Maybe there's some psycho-babble that might support this statement as being accurate, but really, happiness is not something we choose. We just are, or we just aren't. I know for me, on days when I have said, "OK girl, pull up your bootstraps and be happy, dang it," it doesn't necessarily make me happy.

What makes me happy is a latte. And the sound of my children laughing together. Or the sight of my tulips peaking out in spring. Or the silence of freshly fallen snow. Or watching cheerleaders work really hard on TV. OR, even better, when I see it in the eyes of one of the kids I work with that they are understanding and receiving God's love. Now, that makes me happy. And all of those things, (children, tulips, snow, cheerleaders, God's love...) those are kind of unpredictable. It just happens, and viola! I am blessed.

So, here's what I've decided. Happiness is a blessing. When you have it and feel it, cherish it. It's God knocking on your door and saying hi. When you don't, then a triple shot carmel latte is in order friend, make it extra on the whipped cream.

Getting it Out.

2007-04-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

So, I'm feeling the need to write again. I say again because I used to write all the time. Like 10 years ago I'd fill up a journal in a couple of months. I would write and write. I don't exactly know why I stopped... maybe I got busy... kids, and such. Maybe I didn't want to say what I was thinking? Denial of truth is a powerful deception. Whatever the reason, I'm ready now. To post thoughts. Have them be out there forever.

I recently read an entire book. I know this might sound like no small feet to most of you, but I get bored really easy. I am ambitious as I start many books a year, believing that they all will change me after I'm done reading them. Usually by about chapter 4 or 5 I'm bored. Either the writing isn't creative enough to hold me or the content is something predictable that I've already heard, or I just get bored with it. Anyway, this recent book impressed me a great deal. I read it from cover to cover in about 3 days. I couldn't put it down. It's called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller.

So, now I am hereby declaring myself in a blue phase. The "influenced by Donald Miller" blue phase. This book, I do believe, did change my heart. There is some supernatural holy spirit hold on it. The way I have been thinking my whole life has finally been put to words for me! Thanks, Don. I even underlined things in this book, which for me, really means there's something there worth remembering. I am going to read it a second time after I let the first amazement soak in a while.

Someone told me a couple of days ago that this book was popular awhile back. That's so me. To catch up later on something everyone else already knows. Anyway, whoever knows or doesn't know, this book is a must read. Like it will go in various places in my house. I will buy multiple copies. I have at least two friends in mind that I am going to send it to. It's that good. It's right on... a direct hit.

Maybe it's because of Donald Miller that I must write again. Whatever the case, here I am. Getting my thoughts out.