A Week in the LIfe of Shelly, Day 1

I've accepted a challenge from www.aliedwards.com to chronicle a week of my life in film and journaling... the blog will be my starting point... I'm thinking it will all end up in a scrapbook though. So, here's today, Sunday, April 18, 2010.

This is us, leaving around 9 to go get some breakfast at McDonald's...

We decided to drive around a little bit, so we listened to Matt Chandler from www.thevillagechurch.net. The message was on repentance and based out of Exodus 20. I liked it a great deal. You can download it too. I believe it led me to a crazy ACT on FB today. So, I'm pretty sure God himself inspired it all. I'm sure that people are mad at me for what I might have said, but sometimes, I just have to say what I'm thinking.

(Side note: I strongly believe facebook is a SOCIAL networking site, not a place for ignorant people to post their opinions about politics, right winged hair brained cultish ideas, or religion. It's a place to be friends, not to preach... )

Anyway, enough about all that!

Then we went here... because that's what we do all the time. This trip was for allergy eye drops, and laundry detergent for Brady's science fair project.

Wesley decided to dump an entire sippy cup of Gatoraide on his shorts, so we had to let them dry while he and I hung out in the car and listened to tunes.

When we got home, and Wes was taking a nap, we did this.

This was my view.

And sometimes this...

If I'm going to lay in the front yard, it's going to be with this person.

He's my soulmate and I love him to death!

B took this picture of me in the reflection of his laptop... it's pretty neat!

While hanging out in the yard, I noticed our rug drying and decided to give it a good scrub... it's really really CLEAN now! I can't wait to bring it back inside.

Then, TV stopped by to drop off my crock pot and cooler from Angie's surprise 30th BD bash yesterday... that was nice! I think TV is one of the best people on earth.

I got these new flip flops next... a quick stop to Sportsmart.

Then we went to my favorite So. Mpls. antique store b/c they were having a sale this weekend. It's called Hunt and Gather. You must go there. I really liked these wooden block letters.

I really like this, too...

If they had a registry at Hunt and Gather, I would put this on my wish list.

Then we went here for dinner... amazing food, great atmosphere, neat decore... loved it!

I usually don't look like this, like I've been crying for days... the allergy season is in full force here, so I'm all red-eyed and sneezy.

Here's my "S" collection... growing each time I go to an antique store. Today I added the little orange "S" and the wooden campsite "s"... they all have special names.

And the end of the day, good night boys! Apparently we need to clean your room tomorrow night! SHEESH, look at all that stuff!

And that, friends, is the end of day one... a day in the week of my life. Stay tuned for more random things tomorrow!

Re Digging in the Dirt

I hate old wounds... and why is it that all it takes is one comment from some random person and I am right back in the middle of something really really really old and way too familiar?

It's like you are running around on the playground with one of those really big plastic balls that fills your life with joy and some really mean boy comes and snatches it out of your hands and runs away with it as fast as he can.

And there it is... all your hurt and pain caught in a compilation of emotion in the back of your throat. The shock of being robbed of your joy. The reminder that some people are just rotten, and toxic, and should be avoided at all costs. What's even worse is that they mascarade around looking like normal people. But they aren't.

So, rotten, mean, evil boy... here is what I have to say to you today.

I will no longer let you bully me. You go ahead and take my shiny new ball and run away with it. I could care less, because we all know those shiny big plastic balls always get popped and thrown away, that's why they only cost $2.99 in the first place. You go ahead, because I know what's true. I know in my heart who I am and who's I am. And you can't take it away from me. You, and your self righteous, smug, have to feel good about yourself all the time, prideful heart.

And I am going to go to bed tonight knowing that even though you blame everyone else for what you yourself have caused, I have only looked in the mirror and dealt with what I saw. And even though what I saw was hard to swallow, I took a long hard look anyway, and dealt with it. And every day, you still try to punish others for what is indeed your own issue. I feel a little sad for you right now.

Once again, pulling up my bootstraps and moving on. There are plenty of other things in life that are worth living for, loving, cherishing and enjoying that I really don't have time to sit here and cry over your spilled milk.

Lots of metaphors here, but you all get my point.

Tub Time

I've been challenging myself lately with the 5D...

Just a few pix from the tub...

All shot in manual with no flash... in low light. Tricky.

But fun, none the less!

Recent art...

I'm grabbing hold of the thought that fear will no longer limit me. I'm doing things and making goals, and nothing is going to get in the way... no more tabling things for next year, next month, or when this or that happens. I'm grabbing the bull by the horns, and going out there. Taking risks, learning, failing, learning more, and pushing myself harder. I'm going to do this people. And I'm not afraid anymore to try.

Look out world, I'm going to be used to impact you. Are you ready?

A little (?) fear...

I took this picture three years ago... of Owen. He was just two at the time. I was thinking about it because I was wondering about what would happen if someone asked me to show them what I think is the best picture I've ever taken. This is the only one that came to mind.

Here's all the things i love about this, and thus my "philosophy" on photography will spill out...

One, I didn't plan this. It is not staged. The way the light falls more brightly on his hand in such a perfect way was just the natural setting. We were standing in a parking lot and I was loading the stroller in the car... he was waiting for me at the curb. It is perfect.

This photo is not edited. It is not enhanced or cropped. I actually had my camera set to monochrome so that it would shoot in black and white. This is the real picture. I love that. We shouldn't have to "try" so hard to make something beautiful. It should just be that way.

We live in the city. This is evident in this photo. It accurately portrays our life here. Me going, Owen waiting... it's all a part of our everyday stuff. I just happened to snap a photo of it.

I love the way things are laid out here... the continuous fence... the way Owen is not the center of the photo, but off to the side... the way you can clearly see his little hands... all of it. I love. I could not have planned or practiced this. This is me. This is what I saw and was able to capture. I think, this is talent. I don't think "normal" people see things this way.... right? I don't know.

See, this post is all about me wondering... will I ever be good enough, for myself? Will I ever not "table" my dreams because of fear? Will I ever see it for what it is and use it with all my might? Sometimes it can be so very very hard to struggle with these things.

"If I have a hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you." Don Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

I am thinking that overcoming my fear and grabbing hold of what I've got in front of me is essential to this journey of becoming the real me in my story.

Thanks Don. Thanks Jeremy. Thanks Caitlyn. Thanks Beth. Thanks for pushing me a little farther into what I needed to see and hear. Now what will I do with it?

Fighting the Winter

Help me remember, when I look at the snow, that it will melt and spring will come. Help me to cherish the sunshine when I have the opportunity to see it. Help me to notice that during this dormancy, there is growth happening just the same. Help me to see that it has it's own beauty... equal to what the beauty of spring is. Help me remember that what has died, both inside of me, and outside of me, will come to life again, in a new way, at the right time.

Help me remember that even though it's hard to endure the cold, the frigidness, the way this "winter" takes your breath away, there are often times that it's hard to endure heat as well. We are never satisfied in the moment. We always want something different than what we have. Help me to have gratitude for what I have. I have SO much more than I ever have wanted or needed... and so much grace has come with all that I have been given. I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it. I can't do "good" and make more "good" happen in my life. Really what it means is... I am blessed.

Help me to cherish those around me with a passionate heart. Help me to have compassion on those around me who are hurting and broken. Help me to love. Myself, my family, my friends, my enemies. Help me to remember that even in winter, there can be forgiveness. There can be hope. There can be life.

Help me to remember...

I am

I am...
not going to get into your box, fit into the assumptions you put on me, or give in to the judgements you press.

more than you ever imagined or took the time to know.

willing to show you, but only if you are willing to see.

healed.

realistic about broken-ness.

honest. With myself and others.

not willing to accept unforgiveness as an option.

not going to let you view me or define me based on my "performance" in your eyes.

not willing to allow unhealthyness to be forced upon me just because you cannot help it.

strong.

willing to take a leap of faith.

in love with the underdog.

able to see the good in many people.

able to believe the impossible is possible.

not perfect.

not going to expect you to be perfect.

called.

free.

positive.

compassionate.

nice to strangers.

willing to give the benefit of the doubt, most of the time.

growing.

hopeful.

loving.