Vacation 2010

No More

I deleted the post. Not only because sometimes I'm misunderstood, but also because it basically was a rant.

Aren't we allowed to rant? Anyone else out there get bothered from time to time?

I don't hide how I feel. I don't stuff it. I can't pretend. Just NOT in my DNA. If you can't handle that about me... sorry. Find another blog.

That's who I am. I'm out there. My heart on my sleeve.

This oftentimes makes me a vulnerable person. I get wounded fast and easy. It's not hard for me to feel hurt by something someone says, does or even by a look they might give me. I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt. I feel like I am fairly easy to get along with. But, sometimes, after like 10 years of reoccuring hurt over and over again by the same person even after they've been confronted... well, sometimes, I loose it.

I'm not going to apologize for being honest about how I am feeling. A great friend once told me that you can't help how you feel, you just have to feel it. It is truth. You can control how you act as a result of your feelings. It's hard, but you can do at least that. My feelings, a few days ago, got away from me. Too many of my buttons got pushed one right after the other. I just lost it. But, honestly, that's how I was feeling. And so, fellow blog readers, it landed on you. That is life. And now it's deleted.

The blog is deleted, the feelings are not. I have a migraine. The uncertainty and the negativity of the environment I'm going into... well, it causes me to come unglued a little. However, it is a part of my life... and for better or worse, I have to make the best of it. I have to focus on my truth. I have to take deep breathes and live. I have to enjoy what's in front of me. I have to have a good attitude and try. I have to because the alternative wears me down like a file on raw skin. It sucks the life out of me to dwell on bad.

So, no more. I choose the good. And that is how I'm feeling today.

Zap goes the Holy Spirit

Today we visited a church.
It knocked our socks off.

Wait wait, before you assume anything, let me just tell you about it.

Not flashy.

Not fake.

Not self-righteous.

The people looked like sinners just the same as us.

Authentic.

Relevent.

Did not sacrifice my feelings in the message, but spoke the truth clearly, without passing judgementalism on the crowd. That takes talent.

Moved me to change something in my life that I've needed to deal with for 10 years.

Caused me to leave feeling more "free" than I've ever felt in years.

Had a very easy to check your kids into Childrens Program, with no fees, and with plenty of room and caring adults for our kids.

Kept our teenager engaged in the service the entire time.

Sang two songs by Dave Crowder. (I was done when I heard the first one.)

Sat by someone a lot older than us on one side and a lot younger than us on the other.

Doesn't waste their money on flashy and over the top facilities. Sure it was nice, but you can tell, they didn't over-do it.

Have expanded by 8,000 in the last five years, and are not backing down.

Have room for photographers in their ministry.

Worth the 30 minute drive there, the 10 minute line getting in, and the 20 minute wait leaving the parking lot.

Gave me a free cup of coffee because I was a first time visitor and it was a delicious Americano. Thank you very much!

Made me both laugh and cry.

Kept my attention during the entire sermon and I even took notes and kept the notes.

Made me want to join a church again.

Made me want to do ministry again.

Made me thankful that we've healed.


All this on the first visit! What will next week bring? WHEW!
check it out: http://www.eaglebrookchurch.com/ And if you want to sit by me next week, feel free.

Crossroads...

It's a funny thing to be in a place where you're looking at which direction you should take. There are a lot of things involved in changing your life...

• Risk: let's face it. No matter what we're facing, we don't have a clue as to how it's all really going to turn out. That's why everything we do is a risk.
• Confidence: You either believe you can, that's why you're willing to try, or you don't believe you can. One or the other. I'm in the "I really want to try and am almost certain I can do it" camp. Somewhere floating in a sea of almost confident. However, in my heart, I know there's nothing I can't DO, there's no task so big that I can't have faith and leap into it. It's who I am to the core. The jumping and leaping person.
• Practical Matters: How will these decisions affect me personally in all areas of my life. Financially, physically, with my family... etc. etc. How will I pay for this risk in all areas of my life? Will it be worth the investment of time and energy?
• Being Bulligerant: I have heard the following phrase over and over again in the last few months... like a re-occuring theme. "Never take 'NO' for an answer!" I believe this has something to do with persistance and continuing to "move forward." I personally, believe, that moving forward is the most important thing. As long as I'm growing in some way, getting better, learning more, becoming stronger and healthier and wiser and more spiritual. As long as there's movement forward, I am satisfied.
• Who cares what people think: If there's one thing I've learned fast, it's that everyone has an opinion. And a lot of times, they think they should share it with you. And often, it might not be in agreement with your beliefs or opinions. That's OK. But it's NOT going to define me. I know what I know what I know what I know. In my heart. In the center of all that I am. I will not let a little criticism stop me from trying. I will not let my passion be outflamed by the will of another person. I need to be who I am. I have no other choice. Support it, or get out of the way.
• Re-evaluation and Re-evaluation again: This entire process wouldn't be going on if I wasn't taking a good hard look in the mirror and looking at what can inspire me, what can I do differently, what makes me special. What can I give this world to leave it better? Who can I influence positively along the way? What inside me needs to change and how am I going to make that happen? What inside me can I never change and therefore must accept? What is so big that I need to give it to God and let him change? It's the constant process of growth.

I'm about to leap off a cliff and don't know where I'm going to land. Expect great things world, I'm not scared of you. And I have the power inside me to do the impossible. Watch and see.

Country Life

I was standing all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Don't you worry, sometimes you just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes...
Now I've found you, there's no more emptyness inside
When we're hungry, love will keep alive.

I would die for you, climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

I was standing, all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide.
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive.
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Woke up today with the Eagles rolling around in my head... And started remembering the simple life I had as a child... there were no cell phones, starbucks, heck, even our regular phone had a chord! Our house was heated with a wood stove, and I carried the wood in every night to heat it in the winter. My childhood summers consisted of riding my bike, building forts, and helping my Grandma pull weeds in the garden. Sometimes, if I begged, I got to watch TV... but it was Tom and Jerry and Mash. My mind wasn't corrupted by TV.

As a teenager, I read my entire Bible from cover to cover. Just because there wasn't anything else to do. I read books in an entire sitting, often 2-3 a week. I devoured them, and wondered how anyone could live such luxurious lives?

Eventually I started acting like the city person all locked up inside of me... dating boys, being social, going all the time, as my mom used to say. I was in a school activity from the crack of dawn until late at night. I moved away as soon as possible. I married a boy from the city. I live in the city. I am the city. I get goosebumps in a really cool urban setting that would be a good backdrop for some pictures... it's quite strange. We're attracted to what we don't know, right?

However, every now and then... I miss that life. I dream of buying a huge old red barn and, of all things, making into an art studio. In fact, I happen to know, in my heart, that I'll come full circle and move to the country some day. It might be after my husband dies, because getting him to leave the city might be impossible... but mark my words... there is a barn in my future.

Until then, I will show you what I've been photographing lately... It's the country vs. the city. Right now the city is winning for sure.

http://picasaweb.google.com/shellypeters/CountryVsCity#

So, friends, what is inside of you? I've got a little country... what do you have?

Journal for a week, continued.

GREAT news today, I got SNAIL MAIL, and in the package was this LOVELY journal from my bestie Pamela... it's a share book that we're passing back and forth and can I just say, I LOVE IT?! What an amazing, thoughtful, and hello, right up my alley, kind of book! I can't WAIT to see what we fill it with!!!!! I don't think I'll show you though, because it's OURS and no one else's...

More journaling, on the way friends!

Journal for a WEEK (or more if necessary)

I need to write... I think because I can say it better when I write it down... it's the "pause and think before you put it out there" that helps me a great deal... instead of just blurting whatever's on my mind or thinking out loud. When I journal, the fuzzy stuff gets more clear. "Why not blog instead" you ask? Well, there's something magical that happens between me, the pen, my brain and the notebook. Don't know what it is, but it's just old school better. Trust me. Try it. It's better.

So, a week of my life in journal form:

I'm going to share it with you because, well, it's important. To me. And so, you come here voluntarily, thus, it must be important to you also in some crazy small way. Whatever. I'm doing it anyway.

I'm not perfect... if you don't like something in particular about me, I'm sorry. But, the truth is you aren't perfect either. So, therefore, I declare, we must journal our way out of this mess! I'm looking for answers here people! But, don't FIX yourself, or think you'll be fixed or I'll be fixed because of it... it's the original versions of people that I like best usually. So, let's refurbish what's beautiful, and throw out what's hurting us. If you can't do that in your journal, then where can you for cryin out loud?

Here goes day one. Sunday May 2, 2010... it's early, or late, however you see it, and thus, there may be more from this day.... but here's the beginning of it...

G'night till tomorrow peeps...