In a year...

I'm amazed at all that has happened this year, sweet baby boy. The journey to you was an adventure, and now a year has gone by.

I sometimes get amazed when I look back at the pictures of us... both of our lives were vulnerable... you in the NICU barely able to breathe... me in the room across the hall, my blood pressure uncontrollable. At the time, I was only just coping with each minute, not able to fully grasp the situation and how things might have turned out. As I look back I am extremely grateful. We survived little boy! You and me, together.

You give my own life so much joy. It's such a privilege to watch you grow up and to stand witness to your life. I can only pray that I can parent you in the best way for who you are.

Thanks for surprising us with beautiful blessings and teaching me about what it is to cherish. Happy almost one year...

New Year, New Confusion

Hi all...
I'm a little depressed. I can't put my finger right on it, can anyone who's depressed? I think I am not sure.

Just not sure.

Not sure about what's next, or if where I am is right. Not sure if what I'm doing is just filling time, killing time, or just pointless. Not sure if I'm impacting anything for the better. Not sure.

I know I know.. I'm parenting. That's valuable.
Cleaning house... wow, earth shattering.
Teaching people how to make cards and scrapbook... hmmm. Mountain moving.

I just have this in between waiting game deal going on. I just don't know. I think it might be that crisis that happens to us in our mid thirties. Shouldn't I be "someone" now? Shouldn't life be and feel more established and calm? Shouldn't I emotionally be free and healed of all things that have happened to me or happened because of me? Shouldn't I be strong, conquering, confident, beautiful and wise by now?

And so, I stand in front of a road, that I don't know if I should take. I don't know if I should change directions. I don't know if what I am good at is over with and now I need to find something else to be good at. I'm not sure.

Anyone with insight, please email me.

To you all, Happy New Year!