Crossroads...

It's a funny thing to be in a place where you're looking at which direction you should take. There are a lot of things involved in changing your life...

• Risk: let's face it. No matter what we're facing, we don't have a clue as to how it's all really going to turn out. That's why everything we do is a risk.
• Confidence: You either believe you can, that's why you're willing to try, or you don't believe you can. One or the other. I'm in the "I really want to try and am almost certain I can do it" camp. Somewhere floating in a sea of almost confident. However, in my heart, I know there's nothing I can't DO, there's no task so big that I can't have faith and leap into it. It's who I am to the core. The jumping and leaping person.
• Practical Matters: How will these decisions affect me personally in all areas of my life. Financially, physically, with my family... etc. etc. How will I pay for this risk in all areas of my life? Will it be worth the investment of time and energy?
• Being Bulligerant: I have heard the following phrase over and over again in the last few months... like a re-occuring theme. "Never take 'NO' for an answer!" I believe this has something to do with persistance and continuing to "move forward." I personally, believe, that moving forward is the most important thing. As long as I'm growing in some way, getting better, learning more, becoming stronger and healthier and wiser and more spiritual. As long as there's movement forward, I am satisfied.
• Who cares what people think: If there's one thing I've learned fast, it's that everyone has an opinion. And a lot of times, they think they should share it with you. And often, it might not be in agreement with your beliefs or opinions. That's OK. But it's NOT going to define me. I know what I know what I know what I know. In my heart. In the center of all that I am. I will not let a little criticism stop me from trying. I will not let my passion be outflamed by the will of another person. I need to be who I am. I have no other choice. Support it, or get out of the way.
• Re-evaluation and Re-evaluation again: This entire process wouldn't be going on if I wasn't taking a good hard look in the mirror and looking at what can inspire me, what can I do differently, what makes me special. What can I give this world to leave it better? Who can I influence positively along the way? What inside me needs to change and how am I going to make that happen? What inside me can I never change and therefore must accept? What is so big that I need to give it to God and let him change? It's the constant process of growth.

I'm about to leap off a cliff and don't know where I'm going to land. Expect great things world, I'm not scared of you. And I have the power inside me to do the impossible. Watch and see.

Country Life

I was standing all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Don't you worry, sometimes you just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes...
Now I've found you, there's no more emptyness inside
When we're hungry, love will keep alive.

I would die for you, climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

I was standing, all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide.
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive.
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Woke up today with the Eagles rolling around in my head... And started remembering the simple life I had as a child... there were no cell phones, starbucks, heck, even our regular phone had a chord! Our house was heated with a wood stove, and I carried the wood in every night to heat it in the winter. My childhood summers consisted of riding my bike, building forts, and helping my Grandma pull weeds in the garden. Sometimes, if I begged, I got to watch TV... but it was Tom and Jerry and Mash. My mind wasn't corrupted by TV.

As a teenager, I read my entire Bible from cover to cover. Just because there wasn't anything else to do. I read books in an entire sitting, often 2-3 a week. I devoured them, and wondered how anyone could live such luxurious lives?

Eventually I started acting like the city person all locked up inside of me... dating boys, being social, going all the time, as my mom used to say. I was in a school activity from the crack of dawn until late at night. I moved away as soon as possible. I married a boy from the city. I live in the city. I am the city. I get goosebumps in a really cool urban setting that would be a good backdrop for some pictures... it's quite strange. We're attracted to what we don't know, right?

However, every now and then... I miss that life. I dream of buying a huge old red barn and, of all things, making into an art studio. In fact, I happen to know, in my heart, that I'll come full circle and move to the country some day. It might be after my husband dies, because getting him to leave the city might be impossible... but mark my words... there is a barn in my future.

Until then, I will show you what I've been photographing lately... It's the country vs. the city. Right now the city is winning for sure.

http://picasaweb.google.com/shellypeters/CountryVsCity#

So, friends, what is inside of you? I've got a little country... what do you have?

Journal for a week, continued.

GREAT news today, I got SNAIL MAIL, and in the package was this LOVELY journal from my bestie Pamela... it's a share book that we're passing back and forth and can I just say, I LOVE IT?! What an amazing, thoughtful, and hello, right up my alley, kind of book! I can't WAIT to see what we fill it with!!!!! I don't think I'll show you though, because it's OURS and no one else's...

More journaling, on the way friends!

Journal for a WEEK (or more if necessary)

I need to write... I think because I can say it better when I write it down... it's the "pause and think before you put it out there" that helps me a great deal... instead of just blurting whatever's on my mind or thinking out loud. When I journal, the fuzzy stuff gets more clear. "Why not blog instead" you ask? Well, there's something magical that happens between me, the pen, my brain and the notebook. Don't know what it is, but it's just old school better. Trust me. Try it. It's better.

So, a week of my life in journal form:

I'm going to share it with you because, well, it's important. To me. And so, you come here voluntarily, thus, it must be important to you also in some crazy small way. Whatever. I'm doing it anyway.

I'm not perfect... if you don't like something in particular about me, I'm sorry. But, the truth is you aren't perfect either. So, therefore, I declare, we must journal our way out of this mess! I'm looking for answers here people! But, don't FIX yourself, or think you'll be fixed or I'll be fixed because of it... it's the original versions of people that I like best usually. So, let's refurbish what's beautiful, and throw out what's hurting us. If you can't do that in your journal, then where can you for cryin out loud?

Here goes day one. Sunday May 2, 2010... it's early, or late, however you see it, and thus, there may be more from this day.... but here's the beginning of it...

G'night till tomorrow peeps...