The finished product...

Here's my toffee, cooling before I broke it into a bunch of pieces and put it in baggies as gifts for the bus driver, mail deliverer, etc. :)

Surprise! Let's go Shopping!

Today I'm going to make homemade toffee. Why? Because I can.
Here's the recipe if you want to make it too. I hear it's unbelievable!
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/12/lias-butter-toffee/

Also because I found a $130 gift card to Cooks of Crocus Hill in my bedside table from my birthday two years ago and decided today was the perfect day to spend it.

Merry Christmas to me!
And no, I didn't buy anything for anyone else, even though I was tempted to. Ok, lie, I did... but it was only $6. So, the rest is mine!

Here's what I got:
1. A medium-ish LeCruesset pot. It's carribean blue. Very nice. I'm thinking it will be perfect for my first batch of toffee. And it will work nicely for Julie's hot fudge recipe. Also it will be perfect for when I make custard base for the most amazing chocolate pie you've ever had this Christmas.
2. A candy thermometer. According to the pioneer woman, this is an essential item in making the perfect toffee. I trust her with my life so I bought the middle of the road thermometer. Plus, I've never had one! Whatever, I'm a work in progress. I learn as I go.
3. Decorating tools for cookies. I never have a small enough tip for piping royal icing on... and I'm making another batch of gingerbread men very soon... so I needed it. My other gingerbread men are getting gobbled up very quickly so, I'm going to need more.
4. A silicone mat. This is also what the pioneer woman used in her toffee recipe.
5. A new potato peeler. I could write an entire post about potato peelers and how they don't make 'em like they used to. Every one I've ever had SUCKS. So, another try, another brand, another peeler... I'm certain it will be replaced within six months.

If you'd like to stay posted, I'll put the pictures up of my toffee, too. Just because I love you. All three of you who read this. I love you.

Merry Baking!
Shelly

Interfriention

I've got friends.

Really, really great friends. I so love them. I am highly social. I can't stop myself from just making more friends.

But...

As time has taught me, and some hurt feelings, not all friendships are the same. And, I've read all the "poems" about real friends, girlfriends, etc. etc. But, seriously, there's only one quote that satisfies my definition of "friend." Only one.

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times."

This is important, because it bites me in the butt a little. I'll explain...

I need friends who understand and love me, right where I'm at. I am sometimes emotional... ok, not sometimes. All the time. I tend to overreact. I don't always say the right thing. I cuss. I like to cuss actually, it makes me feel real. I am sincere. I am dramatic. I laugh. I get louder the more I start talking. I am super sarcastic sometimes. I am compassionate. I want the best for others. I expect others to treat me with respect. I cry. A lot. Often. Almost daily. I will not always remember birthdays and thank you notes... although I usually think about them. I have big dreams, and not big follow through. I'm changing that. I am passionate. SO very passionate. It might make you feel offended. It might inspire you. I can't predict which outcome my passionate-ness will have on you. I won't hold your hand through your emotional breakdowns, but I will sit beside you and listen. I can't emotionally own it for you. I have a hard enough time owning it for me. I need you, my friend, to understand all this, and still choose to love me tomorrow, and the next day and the next day. Because that's what friends do. They love at all times. In all situations.

I was thinking about an old friend tonight who never, ever, ever, calls to say, "How are you doing?" The only time we are in contact is when this friend needs something. Needs a ride to the aiport. Needs me to be there so she can cry on my shoulder. Needs to feel affirmed about her messed up life. No investment in me, only withdrawals from my love tank. Things are gettin a bit overdrawn now. I'm parched and out of energy. I've had a hell of a year. I don't know if I can keep on "givin" to these life-sucking relationships. In fact, I have boundaries with folks who suck the life out of me. It's my survival mechanism.

So, butt biting time. I expect friends to love me at all times, but, in fact, do I love them? At all times? Do I give and expect something in return? What a hypocrite!

Maybe she's really messed up. And I love her. I love her well. But loving also means health, right?
So, for everyone out there... how will I love, at all times, without gettin hurt too? Tough tough line to draw in the sand. Very tough. I'm perplexed about it. And yet, it's a question I've been asking my entire life!

What is this love, that surpasses the pain of the human heart? How do I live it? Why does my attitude always get in the way of it?

I'm such a mess.
Still love me?

Artists UNITE

I have a friend who is an amazing artist. In every sense of the world, she is a creative soulmate. She and I are like peas and carrots, as Forrest would say.


We've been pushing each other "artistically" lately. Those of you who are logical concrete sequential non artists will not understand the last sentence. In fact, you probably won't get anything I say. It's ok. We're different. I accept your weirdness. Anywho..., on topic, I appreciate having someone who can push me. It's refreshing. It's so awesome! And because of it, the result is immense and overwhelming respect! WHEW! I forgot what it was like to be shocked by the genuine amazingness of someone. Thanks world, I now "don't" give up on you... Because even though most of the time I'm saddened and disappointed in YOU in general, I know that what's in me is stronger than what you throw, no sling, at me on most days.

So, today, I crawl out of my "pit" that I've been camping in for awhile... because I've got art to make, work to do, lives to impact, things to say, stuff to capture.

Expect great things. And even if you don't, I'm going to do them anyway.

Much love,
Shzells



So, I been making some art. I'm going to share it. But not here and not now. Only when I'm ready.

the TRUTH

I have been through a bunch of hard things lately. I won't tell you how it's been easy, because it hasn't been. My "delayed reactor-ness" is landing about now... and I'm having my emotional breakdowns and fits of rage and crying every other day. As my friend Mary Jane used to say, "the horomonal cocktail is not mixed quite right."

Someone I trusted took advantage of me. After looking back over the situation, i realized that i allowed this behavior to continue in the hopes that it wasn't really happening. But it was. I was right. I now have been looking back over the last two years wondering if ANYTHING I've experienced with this person was true or not.

Also, I've had to deal with a hard diagnosis of someone I love. Again, hopeful that it wasn't true, and then dealing with the reality of the fact that it is true. And now how to proceed and how to go forward.

Here's what I now know because of this CRAP:

1. Even though I can't control what goes on in the lives and bodies of others, I can push, question, and trust my gut in the midst of the trial.

2. I have good intuition and can trust it. (Especially since I believe the Holy Spirit lives in my heart.)

3. I really don't have time to worry about hurting someone else's feelings by asking hard questions. How much heartache would I have saved had I been more aggressive with my hard questions?

4. I really respect others who have the courage to ask hard questions. It causes me to often stop and re-evaluate my own actions and ideas. Therefore, courage evokes change.

5. I've learned that when faced with a fork in the road, you never go wrong by doing the right thing.

6. I now know that even though I don't always know the "ending," it's how I'm dealing with the "right now" that really matters. God is in control. I've decided to let him be.

I Thessalonians 5:17-18 says this, "pray continually. give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

The truth is here. God's will for my life is for me to seek him out always (pray continually) and then to give thanks in all circumstances, no matter how good or bad or hard or challenging. Give thanks.

So, Lord, I'm thanking you tonight. For the beauty of life and the strength you've bestowed upon me to deal with every curveball that get's thrown my way. Thanks for keeping me in your fold, for hiding me in the shadow of your wings. Thanks for being a safe tower, a refuge, a place to be protected from the storm. Thank you Lord. You are in control and I am yours.

Last night as I was falling asleep this old campfire song was in my head, "This song I sing. To the one who has created all that I can see. To the one who has provided to me, everything I need. To my God and to my King, this song I sing."

Even in the midst of all that is unknown right now God, you are everything I need.

country vs. city

Vacation 2010

No More

I deleted the post. Not only because sometimes I'm misunderstood, but also because it basically was a rant.

Aren't we allowed to rant? Anyone else out there get bothered from time to time?

I don't hide how I feel. I don't stuff it. I can't pretend. Just NOT in my DNA. If you can't handle that about me... sorry. Find another blog.

That's who I am. I'm out there. My heart on my sleeve.

This oftentimes makes me a vulnerable person. I get wounded fast and easy. It's not hard for me to feel hurt by something someone says, does or even by a look they might give me. I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt. I feel like I am fairly easy to get along with. But, sometimes, after like 10 years of reoccuring hurt over and over again by the same person even after they've been confronted... well, sometimes, I loose it.

I'm not going to apologize for being honest about how I am feeling. A great friend once told me that you can't help how you feel, you just have to feel it. It is truth. You can control how you act as a result of your feelings. It's hard, but you can do at least that. My feelings, a few days ago, got away from me. Too many of my buttons got pushed one right after the other. I just lost it. But, honestly, that's how I was feeling. And so, fellow blog readers, it landed on you. That is life. And now it's deleted.

The blog is deleted, the feelings are not. I have a migraine. The uncertainty and the negativity of the environment I'm going into... well, it causes me to come unglued a little. However, it is a part of my life... and for better or worse, I have to make the best of it. I have to focus on my truth. I have to take deep breathes and live. I have to enjoy what's in front of me. I have to have a good attitude and try. I have to because the alternative wears me down like a file on raw skin. It sucks the life out of me to dwell on bad.

So, no more. I choose the good. And that is how I'm feeling today.

Zap goes the Holy Spirit

Today we visited a church.
It knocked our socks off.

Wait wait, before you assume anything, let me just tell you about it.

Not flashy.

Not fake.

Not self-righteous.

The people looked like sinners just the same as us.

Authentic.

Relevent.

Did not sacrifice my feelings in the message, but spoke the truth clearly, without passing judgementalism on the crowd. That takes talent.

Moved me to change something in my life that I've needed to deal with for 10 years.

Caused me to leave feeling more "free" than I've ever felt in years.

Had a very easy to check your kids into Childrens Program, with no fees, and with plenty of room and caring adults for our kids.

Kept our teenager engaged in the service the entire time.

Sang two songs by Dave Crowder. (I was done when I heard the first one.)

Sat by someone a lot older than us on one side and a lot younger than us on the other.

Doesn't waste their money on flashy and over the top facilities. Sure it was nice, but you can tell, they didn't over-do it.

Have expanded by 8,000 in the last five years, and are not backing down.

Have room for photographers in their ministry.

Worth the 30 minute drive there, the 10 minute line getting in, and the 20 minute wait leaving the parking lot.

Gave me a free cup of coffee because I was a first time visitor and it was a delicious Americano. Thank you very much!

Made me both laugh and cry.

Kept my attention during the entire sermon and I even took notes and kept the notes.

Made me want to join a church again.

Made me want to do ministry again.

Made me thankful that we've healed.


All this on the first visit! What will next week bring? WHEW!
check it out: http://www.eaglebrookchurch.com/ And if you want to sit by me next week, feel free.

Crossroads...

It's a funny thing to be in a place where you're looking at which direction you should take. There are a lot of things involved in changing your life...

• Risk: let's face it. No matter what we're facing, we don't have a clue as to how it's all really going to turn out. That's why everything we do is a risk.
• Confidence: You either believe you can, that's why you're willing to try, or you don't believe you can. One or the other. I'm in the "I really want to try and am almost certain I can do it" camp. Somewhere floating in a sea of almost confident. However, in my heart, I know there's nothing I can't DO, there's no task so big that I can't have faith and leap into it. It's who I am to the core. The jumping and leaping person.
• Practical Matters: How will these decisions affect me personally in all areas of my life. Financially, physically, with my family... etc. etc. How will I pay for this risk in all areas of my life? Will it be worth the investment of time and energy?
• Being Bulligerant: I have heard the following phrase over and over again in the last few months... like a re-occuring theme. "Never take 'NO' for an answer!" I believe this has something to do with persistance and continuing to "move forward." I personally, believe, that moving forward is the most important thing. As long as I'm growing in some way, getting better, learning more, becoming stronger and healthier and wiser and more spiritual. As long as there's movement forward, I am satisfied.
• Who cares what people think: If there's one thing I've learned fast, it's that everyone has an opinion. And a lot of times, they think they should share it with you. And often, it might not be in agreement with your beliefs or opinions. That's OK. But it's NOT going to define me. I know what I know what I know what I know. In my heart. In the center of all that I am. I will not let a little criticism stop me from trying. I will not let my passion be outflamed by the will of another person. I need to be who I am. I have no other choice. Support it, or get out of the way.
• Re-evaluation and Re-evaluation again: This entire process wouldn't be going on if I wasn't taking a good hard look in the mirror and looking at what can inspire me, what can I do differently, what makes me special. What can I give this world to leave it better? Who can I influence positively along the way? What inside me needs to change and how am I going to make that happen? What inside me can I never change and therefore must accept? What is so big that I need to give it to God and let him change? It's the constant process of growth.

I'm about to leap off a cliff and don't know where I'm going to land. Expect great things world, I'm not scared of you. And I have the power inside me to do the impossible. Watch and see.

Country Life

I was standing all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Don't you worry, sometimes you just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes...
Now I've found you, there's no more emptyness inside
When we're hungry, love will keep alive.

I would die for you, climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

I was standing, all alone against the world outside
You were searching for a place to hide.
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive.
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.

Woke up today with the Eagles rolling around in my head... And started remembering the simple life I had as a child... there were no cell phones, starbucks, heck, even our regular phone had a chord! Our house was heated with a wood stove, and I carried the wood in every night to heat it in the winter. My childhood summers consisted of riding my bike, building forts, and helping my Grandma pull weeds in the garden. Sometimes, if I begged, I got to watch TV... but it was Tom and Jerry and Mash. My mind wasn't corrupted by TV.

As a teenager, I read my entire Bible from cover to cover. Just because there wasn't anything else to do. I read books in an entire sitting, often 2-3 a week. I devoured them, and wondered how anyone could live such luxurious lives?

Eventually I started acting like the city person all locked up inside of me... dating boys, being social, going all the time, as my mom used to say. I was in a school activity from the crack of dawn until late at night. I moved away as soon as possible. I married a boy from the city. I live in the city. I am the city. I get goosebumps in a really cool urban setting that would be a good backdrop for some pictures... it's quite strange. We're attracted to what we don't know, right?

However, every now and then... I miss that life. I dream of buying a huge old red barn and, of all things, making into an art studio. In fact, I happen to know, in my heart, that I'll come full circle and move to the country some day. It might be after my husband dies, because getting him to leave the city might be impossible... but mark my words... there is a barn in my future.

Until then, I will show you what I've been photographing lately... It's the country vs. the city. Right now the city is winning for sure.

http://picasaweb.google.com/shellypeters/CountryVsCity#

So, friends, what is inside of you? I've got a little country... what do you have?

Journal for a week, continued.

GREAT news today, I got SNAIL MAIL, and in the package was this LOVELY journal from my bestie Pamela... it's a share book that we're passing back and forth and can I just say, I LOVE IT?! What an amazing, thoughtful, and hello, right up my alley, kind of book! I can't WAIT to see what we fill it with!!!!! I don't think I'll show you though, because it's OURS and no one else's...

More journaling, on the way friends!

Journal for a WEEK (or more if necessary)

I need to write... I think because I can say it better when I write it down... it's the "pause and think before you put it out there" that helps me a great deal... instead of just blurting whatever's on my mind or thinking out loud. When I journal, the fuzzy stuff gets more clear. "Why not blog instead" you ask? Well, there's something magical that happens between me, the pen, my brain and the notebook. Don't know what it is, but it's just old school better. Trust me. Try it. It's better.

So, a week of my life in journal form:

I'm going to share it with you because, well, it's important. To me. And so, you come here voluntarily, thus, it must be important to you also in some crazy small way. Whatever. I'm doing it anyway.

I'm not perfect... if you don't like something in particular about me, I'm sorry. But, the truth is you aren't perfect either. So, therefore, I declare, we must journal our way out of this mess! I'm looking for answers here people! But, don't FIX yourself, or think you'll be fixed or I'll be fixed because of it... it's the original versions of people that I like best usually. So, let's refurbish what's beautiful, and throw out what's hurting us. If you can't do that in your journal, then where can you for cryin out loud?

Here goes day one. Sunday May 2, 2010... it's early, or late, however you see it, and thus, there may be more from this day.... but here's the beginning of it...

G'night till tomorrow peeps...

Inspirational Sites

Ok, so many of you have replied that you want me to continue blogging... so here you go.
These are my current list of inpsirational websites I've recently been to.

http://www.tarawhitney.com/ LOVE her style and her pix

http://www.jeremycowart.com/ DUH! He's amazing and that's that.

http://www.pauloctavious.com/ Super cool and authentic photographer. I really like how creative he is.

http://www.crumplerbags.com/ I am getting one of these... and this might be the coolest website I've been to in awhile...

Ok, and finally, a must see... http://thepioneerwoman.com Her website, sigh, is a dream come true... Oneday I too will be like her... great cook, author, awesome photographer, nice person, etc. etc. You'll see. Go there. Right now. You'll see.

More will come!

By the way, I did some photography "research" tonight... and found some SUPER cool locations in downtown minneapolis to do some neat urban stuff... so keep it in mind if you're looking for something totally different and rad!

G'nite peeps!

Days 6 & 7 of A Week in the Life of Shelly

A Week in the Life of Shelly
Day 6 : Friday


Clockin in, and headin to the bank to make the deposit.


Grab a quick, cheap coffee, and it wasn't that good, while listening to I-Tunes in car... Today it was Sheryl Crow.

Hello ladies! My co-workers today. I warned Mel... "be careful or I will blog you." HA! Seriously though, have I mentioned that I work with awesome people? Totally the best ever!

I think this tree is my enemy... full of pollen. But I love him still.

Here's where I go often for lunch... they know what I want when I call, and sometimes, even give me a discount because I'm such a regular. Also, I have two favorite waiters who work here... Chris and Ty. I think they're roommates, too. Anyway, I like going to this place and the people who work there.

Today I had a side salad and some of a grilled cheese. It was pretty tasty.

On my lunch break I visited this awesome blog... http://thepioneerwoman.com/. It was here I discovered a recipe for Pasta Carbonera from Pastor Ryan. I think I might make it sometime this weekend, because it sounds and looks awesome!

Here's my lovely Kirsten. I sometimes like to call her my "slave" at work because she does everything I don't have time to do. I like her a great deal.

This lady has a heart of pure gold. Seriously. She's one of the original employees of our store, and the world is a better place because she's in it.

Mel trying to elude the blog... but look at this, I got her! And I am blogging her right now!

Here's another really nice lady! She's my regular mania hostess!

So, there are no more pictures from day 6 because I went home after this from work and when I walked in the door had the worst allergy attack I've ever had. I had to use Wesley's nebulizer and took two benedryl and immediately went to bed. Allergies suck. Have I mentioned that? They are really, really doing a number on me. I wasn't even able to blog last night! My world was coming to an end! Thus why these two days are combined...

Day 7

A week in the life of Shelly...

First things first... this one I like to call "my starbucks." It's on the corner of 75th and Lyndale... about 4 blocks from my house. They know me there, and know what I like to drink. Usually they have it ready for me before I even pay. LOVE IT!

Any guesses? First person to email me what I ordered today I will send a $5 Starbucks card. :)

At work I saw Maia, and she showed me her new I-Phone. I admit, I have I-phone envy... someday maybe my Sprint store will carry them and then I'll buy one. For now though, my little HTC Hero is working out quite nicely... and it's major "google-ific!" I love it!

And, Beck and I worked together today and got to have a little visit from Ang! That was sure nice!

I don't think I'm supposed to say this, but this is my favorite customer. Charlotte comes in at least once a week to scrap in the back workroom. I have learned a great deal from her, just by observing her life. She is the greatest example of faithfulness I have ever seen. It's people like her that make the world a better place for me every single day.

At this time, I left work because of another allergic reaction to air, I think. I immediately went to my favorite Urgent Care facility, because it was that bad, and I met a handsome, single, doctor. Ang, Beck, and Sondra, I asked if he'd be willing to be set up on a blind date with ya'll and he said he'd think about it. :) He prescribed what he called "magical" meds that he promised would immediately make me feel better. So, I immediately drove to Target pharmecy to pick up these magical meds. I'm crossing my fingers they work.

Here's what my eyeballs looked like when I got home... not so hot.

I did feel better when I got to the back yard and found these lovely people. OH how they make my heart sing!

At Target, they gave me these... I immediately took them and then went to my room like a good girl. OH, and I "borrowed" this add from the Urgent Care waiting room for my "inspirational wall." Someday I'll blog about the wall... later. But this is important to me b/c it's Annie Leibovitz-World famous, amazing photographer. Actually, there aren't words to describe her ability to capture people. I noticed in the pic that she's shooting with the same camera I do, and that makes me feel like anything's possible, folks. I've got the whole world at my fingertips. Expect great things. I feel like I've only used a small sliver of what I'm capable of! I'm really, really excited.

In my room, while waiting for the allergy meds to kick in, I decided to watch this movie.... I paused it about halfway to cook dinner, so I'll let you know what I think at the end. Here's the essential things I needed while watching the movie... kleenex, remotes, and of course, Samoas. Thanks Maddie and Tay, my favorite girl scouts! There goes my "no carb" diet.

Remember yesterday, me talking about Pastor Ryan's recipe? Well here it is on my plate. Brian said I could make this meal once a week and that would be fine with him. Also, note: it's NOT low carb. Tomorrow's going to be a purge the carb day I guess.

Here's the happy family, eating the carbs. I think this picture of Owen is amazing... don't know why, but I do.

Oh, and during dinner we had this creature visit our yard! Hello, we live on the corner of 494 and 35W! Does this bird not know this is NOT really an animal haven? I hope he's OK right now because he was headed right toward the exit ramp. Funny stuff.

And that, finally, is the end of a week in my life. I had a good time remembering each day... and I think I'm on an amazing journey towards... more of me. It's good. Real good.

I hope you are on an amazing journey, too. I really think, if we look hard enough, that each day is full of many, many treasures and moments that are very teachable and valuable. I love this about life, don't you?

Thanks for listening, friends.

Day 5 Peeps

A week in the life of Shelly, day 5... here we go.

Me and the little guys on our way this a.m. bright and early...



Kirsten letting me know I looked terrible, and then took my picture to prove it. After I dropped the boys off I must have gotten pollen in my eye... had a full out allergic reaction. Took allergy meds, eye drops and a benedryl upon arriving at Archiver's... it was not pretty friends. Not pretty at all.

Still managed to get the day rolling depsite extreme sniffles and pain... as I write this my vision is still blurred.

This helped a little... can you guess? Americano with cream and cinnamon powder.

I had to hang these up this AM... buy $15 worth of Hero Arts product and get an idea book for free! Started today and goes until supplies last. I sound like a commercial.

I worked with these lovelies today. I was never so thankful to see Sian... it allowed me to leave early and take more allergy medicine...

I had this for lunch... well, some of it. I'm not gonna lie, it was terrible. I ate about 4 good bites and threw the rest.

This nice lady stopped by. I heart her. A great deal.

I made this layout today for the new KI Zoo line. I like how it turned out!

I had leftovers for dinner, the kids had mac n cheese, and Brian... well he had bacon flavored spam, friends. He tried to get me to try it but I didn't fall for it. GROSS!!

Here's me saying goodnight to the two squirrels. Notice the still-red eyes... I'm never going to get over these allergies!!!

We watched a little TV tonight... Brian's favorite shows... Survivor and CSI. Go Russell!

And, I did laundry. Earth-shattering stuff friends, but it is still my life, and I still love it!

OH, and the best part of all, my friend Beckie sent me this link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LacC2gN_M7w

Let's just say we'll be getting tickets to the midnight showing people.

Till tomorrow friends...